sonador_hermosa

Well, my beloved Grandma Gray passed away in August of 2006. It was the first time I witnessed a person going through as much suffering as she did, and I was also there when she passed away. It was really hard to witness that, and I’m extremely empathic, so I almost sort of felt her pain while I was with her. I did get to say goodbye and say all the things I’d been meaning to tell her for years, which was good…I’m glad I had a chance to tell her. But even now, it’s still hard for me to look through all of those pictures and relive all of those memories. I know she lived a long and full life, but I’m still dealing with the loss. I shall resume this one day when thoughts of her bring nothing but happiness and no more tears.

I lost about 50 lbs 4 years ago, and still lived at home at the time. I’m 5 foot nothin’, so 50 lbs on me was like 80 on a taller person – it was such a dramatic change. I lost it by exercising and eating a reduced calorie diet. However, once I moved from home into my first place, meeting my first really serious bf after, he and I fell into unhealthy eating habits together. I became more of a homebody since I had my own place (I was out and about constantly when I lived with the ‘rents), and didn’t walk as much as I used to. My roomie subleased and my bf moved in, and we hung out and watched movies and TV all the time, eating and sitting around together. Of course he didn’t gain weight, but I did. All 50 lbs back. ARGH! After me and him broke up, I was even more depressed and while I didn’t gain more weight, I kept on the weight I gained and most half-baked attempts at losing it fell through and failed. I forgot to mention that at the time, I thought soy products were the healthiest thing on earth and tofu was in my diet every day. I had a thyroid condition at the time too, an underactive thyroid. I was on meds, but still had symptoms.

This last January (a year and 6 months after me and the ex bf broke up), I started having reactions to foods I was eating. I had a dairy allergy as a kid that went away as a teenager that I was warned could come back. I gave up dairy and had little relief from allergic reactions, so I systematically did elimination diets to try and narrow down what I’d started reacting to. I did 2 weeks without gluten, 2 weeks without eggs, 2 weeks without nuts, 2 weeks without soy, and lo and behold once I eliminated soy, all the symptoms went away. Just to make sure, I tried some dairy again and had a reaction, so yea, I’m allergic to dairy AND soy.

Let me tell you, giving up those two foods has been such a blessing to me. I eat very healthfully now because I have to avoid most processed foods (whey protein and soy are added to a lot of things), and since I can’t have cheese or ice cream anymore, two of my biggest weaknesses, it makes life a ton easier. Breaking out in hives and having an itchy mouth and sore throat from eating it is a good deterrent. Another happy thing that happened to me is that my thyroid condition has gone away and I no longer need my meds for it – google the link between too much soy consumption and thyroid dysfunction – very interesting. It’s funny how the food industry can push something on us as such a health food when really it carries more risks than benefits to most people.

Anyway, sorry this is so long, but I wanted to share my story. Since I’ve given up those food allergens, I’ve been forced to reinvent my whole diet and it’s way cleaner and healthier than it has ever been, even when I lost weight before. I love exercising again – if I don’t do something physical at least for an hour a day, I feel lost. I’ve lost 24 lbs since January – that may not seem a lot to most folks, but remember I’m short, and most people who see me assume I’ve lost about 40 lbs. On such a small-framed person, 20 lbs is dramatic. I’ve gone through like 3 belts in the last 6 months, having to buy smaller and smaller ones each time. I’m on the last/smallest notch on a belt I bought only a month or so ago and I need smaller clothes – luckily I kept a lot of my “skinny clothes” on hand so I don’t have to do too much shopping – it’s nice to be able to fit into bras that I haven’t been able to wear for a few years.

I’ve created this goal because I left the “lose weight” goal behind. I still want to continue to lose weight for my own well-being, but unlike many of the posters on the “lose weight” goal, I don’t want to become anorexic. I have just gotten to a place in my life where I want to acheive health and wellness for how it makes me feel, not vanity. I feel like being exposed to too much negative body image stuff, however, is still a bit dangerous for me. A lot of the people on there are looking for a Pro-Ana community, and I’m trying to stay away from things like that.

It’s uninspiring to see a bunch of entries from people who are pretty much starving themselves. I’m starting a new goal and I’m going to call it, “Maintain a lifestyle for general health and wellness,” because I’m tired of reading entries from people who think starving themselves is a good idea. Anyone who’s losing weight for legitamate medical reasons, or anyone who is trying to change to a permanent, healthy lifestyle rather than just starve themselves for a quick fix, is welcome to join me there.