sparklyfee

Well, yesterday my world fell apart. My boyfriend of 18 months told me he wanted to break up. I am so utterly and entirely heartbroken that I think the pain will never end. He says he loves me and is attracted to me but that he doesn’t want to be together – only as good friends. Is he having his cake and eating it? I don’t know. We were so happy, he is such a nice and caring man but it seems I am not good enough for him. I love him with all of my soul and at the moment would do anything – anything at all – to have him take me back. I just don’t understand and hate myself for being so useless and losing all self respect. I have no confidence left – and I am a confident girl. I can’t live without him – a numb life maybe. How can I get out of this hell? My head is filled with him and I have no reasons – I have had long relationships before but have never felt heartbreak, it is a physical pain. He is the one, the love of my life and I really don’t know what I am going to do now.

It seems like a good way of spending time alone. And I need more of that!!!

I wish all of my friends lived nearby, it would be so much easier to keep in touch. As it is my friends are scattered across the country and across the world! Damn.

Friends from uni and my old school friends as well as friends I have met through work all seem to be getting further away and I need to make the extra effort to keep up to date with their lives.