spheniscidae

I’m trying…. Already, I am trying. But I have no idea how I will be able to… I’m still in shock, everything’s still whirling around in my head… I’m trying to comprehend… And trying to understand that maybe I can’t understand, and still I have to, somehow, move on… Somehow.. no matter what.

So… I added this new goal.. and I also added “heal my broken heart”, just to… I don’t know.. I decided to put “Move on” on top of my list. Because I guess that’s what I have to do, no matter what. It hurts so much, so very very much. I’m so tired. I was thinking coming here and write might ease the pain at least a little bit… Just a little bit… Now I’m so tired I don’t have the energy to write anyways… I just need to sleep… Though, in a way I don’t want to sleep because then I’m afraid of dreaming of him, and then… I awake, and… I think it’s almost worst in the mornings. When I wake up, and maybe for a moment, just half a second I’ve almost forgot… just for a brief moment…and then I realize, how things are right now… And I can’t understand it… can’t comprehend… And it just hurts.
Well…

I need to sleep… I hope next time I wake up it won’t hurt as much. I wish I could go to sleep, and then when I woke up everything would be fine again.

I guess this is really something I have to do now… In this hard time I’m going through… Though, I wonder sometimes, how can one know when one can or can not change something… how can you be sure you have that wisdom to know the difference. Acceptance, courage… Right know, it’s all spinning around. I guess all things one does changes things somehow, but when to know if for the better or not. I really don’t know. And the sometimes difficult balance/difference between acceptance and.. giving in and… Well… I don’t know…