I'm doing 40 things
Tonight, I went out to a family meal with my extended family. For- not the first time in my life- I changed my mind from a dress to a pair of jeans and a t-shirt because my mum said: “You’ve got too many wobbly bits to wear something like that now. In the past that’d have looked good but not now.” It was a throw-away comment that didn’t have any malice intended in it. She’s full of those sort of comments. The women in my family… myself included have issues with weight, passed on by the same sort of comments. My mother thinks she’s different to the rest of them and that she doesn’t have the same preoccupation as her own mother or sister etc but she doesn’t know how boring she is and how her little comments are almost worse than just saying: “You’re fat now!” She criticises my nan for commenting on people’s weight in exactly the same way but she then goes and does it herself. Every woman in my family is always talking about losing weight, going on a diet, attending the gym to lose a few pounds and suggesting to others that they should be doing so in less than subtle ways.
Everyone of them judges themselves and others harshly by standards that come from the abyss. I don’t want to be like that with my own children if I ever have them. I don’t want to be like that period.
I looked good in that dress.
I have curves. I went to work in a dress yesterday and I was complimented on them by 10 different people who all said that I looked good. Comments ranged from “Wow!” to “You look amazing!” to a child saying “You’re a classic hour-glass miss. It’s cracking!” I felt amazing because people were so complimentary.
Why did that one comment today make me feel like I was a child again? Why would I ever give someone and one derogatory throw-away comment so much power over me? It’s not my mother’s fault- it’s mine for taking it so personally and giving it weight and strength. I started my evening on a downer because of one tiny string of words- that’s pathetic!
So… I’m ending the evening empowered. I’m a sexy woman and I am in charge of how I feel about myself! Period!
