sqrl

but definately

Am I too guarded? Accustomed to “playing the game”, “being on”, “schmoozing”? Do people really understand what it is I am trying to communicate? Is my approach too harsh? too subtle?
Do I intimidate them? bore them?

Perhaps I annoy them? I know that many annoy me.
Are my standards too high? Is too much to ask for people to have more than one thing in common? Not just work, not just politics, not just because we see each other daily.

Why can’t people just laugh? Everything can be funny. I need to surround myself with people who stimulate my brain. Geez, I probably clam up when I meet them.

Too many ideas fly in and out of my head just while I am brushing my teeth. Later, when I sit down to write them down, I draw a blank.
As a young person, my mother always told me to never write down anything that I didn’t want someone else to read. I think that damaged me. It still pisses me off! I needed to write things down as an outlet, and I feel that was taken from me.
Would she have read what I wrote? Would there have been repercussions?
A tiny bit of me still clings to the fear that my words are not valid.