squirreled

Looking over the past three months of my calendar, there are many times where I’ve been unfocused. It feels like this calendar is the only thing holding me together, and preventing me from diffusing apart into some oblivious cloud of distraction. I need to find some way of SCHEDULING FOCUS, not just recording the times when I’ve been unfocused.

Situations where not focusing has cost me, put me at risk or caused trouble in the past 3 months:
• paying $30 transfer free for credit card
• overdrawing checking account 3 TIMES for a total of $87 in fees
• overpaying for groceries
• mailing a letter, then walking into traffic since I thought the light would still be green from when I last looked
• not getting work done on time, since I misjudged the date that my supervisor would be back from vacation by A WEEK
• repeatedly burning foods in toaster oven at work by setting a longer time than necessary
• failing to leave train at correct subway station, adding extra time to trip
• boarding incorrect subway line, adding extra time to trip
• mistakenly purchasing “baby eggplant” at much higher price than “regular eggplant”
• failing to leave early enough for an event, then getting lost, only to arrive at meeting place with nobody else there
• forgetting to unlock office door in the morning after changing out of winter long underwear, and making coworker suspicious of why I had locked it
• innumerable errors at work, requiring time-consuming corrections

After looking closer, this doesn’t seem like a good place for me to go.

It’s fun to hang out with friends. However, they usually want to drink alcohol, and would become disappointed if I don’t drink too. I need to find a way to abstain around friends too. They are the only reason I ever drink. otherwise, its just not any fun to drink alone. it impairs me when i could otherwise be getting stuff done that I’d like to. Plus, its EXPENSIVE and UNHEALTHY. my money ends up on my belly and butt instead of my savings account. and I don’t like the rate of return there.

basically, I need to either find friends who don’t drink, or activities with my present friends that we can do together without alcohol.