sstravelgurl

I have lost all my good friends over the years…. Some have moved away and lost touch, some have hurt me a lot… and made it clear they don’t care that they did. But, a while back I lost my best friend of ten years. She was the only one I have ever really loved, and who always had a way to make me feel better on my worst days. But, some things happened that made us have a huge blow out… some on my part, some on hers. Now, as I still think of her every day, she has moved on, and is happy without me in her life. I had hoped we could be friends again, but it is becoming more and more clear to me every day that it is not possible. She has made it painfully clear to me that it is not worth the work to her to repare the friendship we have lost.

I harbor so much pain from her actions and her words, and I can’t seem to let go. And, I feel alone. I need to find someone else I feel I can really trust and confide in…. I feel no one can take her place, but she doesn’t feel the same, as someone has taken my place in her life.

So, here I am, looking for new friends, a way to move on. This is why this goal is on my list. Wish me the best, everyone!

So, a “close” friend of mine just decided to go a little crazy and bail out on his half of the rent money. Then, when I asked that he bring money by before he get his things, he decided to bring the sheriff into my house, instead of rent money. So, I am in the living room with the sheriff and am out half my rent money, as he gets his things and walks away, chalk free from any personal responsibility. He doesn’t understand why I am being so “mean”. So, yesterday, I spoke with my manager, and said I am so sorry, but I am going to be late by 1 week for my rent, and how much will I owe for the late fee, and what will this do to my rental history, you know, those, “little” concerns…. She said she will waive the late fee, and it won’t be logged on my rental history!
This got me thinking about my “happy” thoughts:

Today, I am extremely thankful for my wonderful apartment manager. She is awesome to help me out in my time of need. With all the “friends”, family and coworkers who have been horrible to me in my lifetime, it is very refreshing to know that there ARE some really good people out there, as my friend Bea keeps telling me. This experience made me realize a really nasty aspect of people, and, to counteract this, I realized there are some really good aspects of some people.

I am happy that my long lost friend Paddy came by and visited me 2 days ago. I missed him. ; )

But, I am happy that I get to get off work in 40 minutes, and then I will go to a movie with Bea. That does make me happy.

The sun is shining.

The flowers are blooming.

I got paid on Friday.

I am no longer pet sitting for 4 fat dogs with no manners.

Summer is coming…. which means camping is in my future!

All of my family and friends are healthy.

Josh just got his new apartment in downtown portland, Yea!

My ex is out of my life, hopefully for good, or until she gains her mind back…... I’m not sure where she lost it, but it is definitly gone!

I still have my health.

My doggie loves me!

I ran into some old friends at the E room the other night, thats always nice!

I am excited to go home and enjoy my evening.

So, there it is, I am all caught up with my happy thoughts. ; )

Today I am thankful for Bea. She is always there for me, and never fails to make me laugh when I need it.

Today I am happy for my coworkers. They are so supportive of me and always helping eachother when needed. So, Cheers to my fellow travel agents! ; )

I had the worst weekend ever…. And I’m trying really hard to keep my mentality positive, so I am not going to complain about the bad. I’m just going to think of my 3 things I am thankful for… One for each day, Sat, Sun and today…. So, here goes:
#1 I am thankful for my wonderful dog, Boxer.
#2 I have a roof over my head, and food to eat.
#3 I have a job, which is something alot of people don’t have, in this day in age.

So, thats it! I am thankful for something…. Well, three things, that is. ; )

So, this is really hard for me today….. And thats why I have to do it. Lets see, I am thankful for the people who care about me in my life. I went to the bar last night and some bitter little man called me fat and ugly….. Not cool at all. And I can’t get it out of my mind. But, probably 6 times, I had other people tell me how nice and sweet, caring I am. And those are the people I am happy for in my life.

In 2004, I got very sick, and I almost lost my life. No joke, I’m not just being dramatic. So, I am going to start out this goal with: I am happy that I am alive and my health is good! Cheers!

I have one student loan, and lots of medical bills. I want to pay off all my past date bills, and get them down to just what I need to pay for my mnonthly expenses. I know that this will take lots of time and dedication, but I think I have been willing and ready to tackle this for a long time….. It is just where to start that I am stuck on…...

I almost have panic attacks when I am not in control of something in my life. I feel like a complete failure, and I feel like I can’t stop trying until I have that control. I think this has affected me in many ways, my relationships, my work and my homelife. And then, when I am an otherwise very organized person, it seems like everything just explodes. I can’t distinguish between what I can and cannot control, and then I am so overwhelmed, I just give up altogether. I need to focus on striking a balance between what I can control, and what is out of my control.