everyday I live my life and make decisions of what I choose to do and choose not to do. The days don’t pass me by anymore. I’m participating in life and doing different things and enjoying myself most of the time. It’s so different than being stuck is a rut and feeling bored with life or like I’m not even living it. I’m not even sure how things changed or how I changed them. I just know that they did.
It’s really a wonderful feeling!
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For the past few weeks, I’ve not really thought that there’s something wrong with me or that I need to change for other people. There are a few things that I’m changing (like losing weight) for myself because I miss feeling fit, but it’s not about pleasing anyone else, and it’s not about anything other than something I want to do for me. There’s no unhappiness in it. In fact, I’m not really in a rush to lose the weight. I workout regularly and eat well, but I’m not feeling pressured to lose the weight because I know it will happen. I don’t even really know who I am because I don’t fit into traditional roles or stereotypes and I’m happy with that. I’m more than a label. I’m me, whomever that is. And I like who I am… how I treat people and how I live my life. So I guess I can check this one off as done because it’s been a bit since I wasn’t happy with who I am and I don’t really see that changing.
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I’ve been reading A New Earth and watching the podcasts that I download from ipod and oprah.com – and these two things have really helped me retrain myself to be in the present moment more often and to catch the ego and not identify with it. The trick seems to be that I have to just pay attention and not go on autopilot – you know, that thing where you’re just doing things habitually without being focused on the task completely. I used to actually catch myself driving on autopilot if you can believe that! In retrospect, it would be kind of disturbing because I drove a car for 20 minutes or something and couldn’t remember most of the trip because I was more focused on what was going on in my mind. YIKES!
So yeah, now I’m learning to catch when I’m in my thoughts or thinking and not focusing on what I’m actually doing. It takes a little bit of practice and effort, but when you just start doing it, when it occurs to you at first and then more regularly, it becomes much easier. And you start to notice just how much you do it until it becomes more frequent that you notice when your in your thoughts and not in the moment when it happens.
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I'm doing 19 things
