La Parisienne

when something utterly disgusting interferes with and ruins what would otherwise be sublime – or at least very very nice

such as that f#ckin crooked pigeon

So there I find myself siting on a bench in a park surrounded by blooming flowers, cute kiddies wiggling around, a very old lovely labrador and his cute granny owner, and I am over looking one of the most breathtaking sight of Paris (yes that thingy that is in my profile pic at the moment is a part of the equation here), on my lunch break, eating the most delicious chocolate/strawberry patisserie dessert, enjoying myself completely and thinking man this is great

AND at that precise moment this crooked pigeon that is half covered in something that can only be compared to vomit comes near me with his crooked swollen legs causing me to shiver and to lose my appetite altogether.

PLUS I also feel guilty of being so judgmental and intolerant of this poor creature’s utterly vulnerable and miserous state but I really can’t help but finding it repulsive.

AND SO I’m experiencing not only disgust but also guilt and internal turmoil/divide altogether. Talking about winding down at lunch time… and this was meant to be the relaxing part of the day.

I suck.

At least today I sucked at this goal. Why is it it feels so hard to speak out?

Today one of my colleague came to make a phone call in my office while I was working. She even used my desk to make some notes.

I can see that she did this because she had a visitor in her own office who was using the other phone himself. But the thing is she could have gone into the corridor, or in the lobby, or indeed in the empty office opposite mine!

It only lasted a few minutes but I thought it was very rude and intrusive. I cannot concentrate and work like this, specially if someone comes right next to me and uses my desk!

And during the phone call I kept thinking to myself that I should tell her something.

Then she ended the conversation and left my office. That was my opportunity, I could have said something. I didn’t. And she left quietly not even saying something nice, like oh I’m sorry I had to come into your office or anything. She just left. And I said bloody nothing! I felt paralysed.

I feel bad now :-(

Damn I must get better at this!

I always come to the same conclusion. Maybe I should make a goal called ‘Do the things I know are right instead of knowing they’re right and ignoring them in practice’

LISTING and PLANNING. That’s what works for me. Like seriously. I guess I’m not a very structured person, I’m easily distracted and have a very selective memory.

SO I’ve made a list of tasks that need to be done this long weekend, which for me is a weekend of free lance work at home. It’s a neat little list. And it’s quite long.

I’ve listed both work tasks and stuff like washing ang groceries. It takes the damma away from work I feel.

Armed with my list I’m feeling much more focused and I feel like I’m on track. Also if I get bored of one task, it’s not like my mind can wonder aimlessly for an hour before it eventually reconnects to something else which generally turns out not to be priority in the end etc. Nope, because if I get bored of one task I can move on to another. How efficient is that!

I also notice that I ‘take breaks’, which is different from unstructured infinite procrastination. It’s like I take a break and then I get back to work. And I actually enjoy the stuff I do during that break much more I think.

Also ticking things off the list is very rewarding.

And if I sleap through for a bit I don’t feel bad or guilty, because I feel I earned it by otherwise working well on the rest and because I have a track to get back to presto, instead of a blank frame to fill with negative or unhelpful thoughts. Yay!

Now that’s the magic power of the list!