starsandcars

my ‘this time next year’ will be 2010, even tho ive had this goal up for longer.

progress ive made since december 2008:
-started taking japanese classes again and getting ready for the jplt in december!
-eating better and focusing less on food
-am more positive and nicer towards myself
-ive actually made several good friends for the first time since high school.
-doing more activities other than school, like dj-ing at the college radio starting this weekend!

things i want to work on in the next couple of months
-becoming more independent and self reliant. defining myself not by other people.
-staying positive and self correcting when i am down.
-become and stay more active. i am still struggling with regular exercise.
-have more regular creative outlets. my life always feels out of balance when i ignore this. i miss it.

overall 2009 has been difficult but so much better than 2008! my life is already very different.

not doing too well on this lately. better than before but still. he keeps telling me its willpower but i dont think it is. thats too simple. its more something to fill in the hole. i need to find my missing piece. i need to figure out a way to have hope and to be happy when thats not what im feeling in the present moment. i need to find something to override whatever external environment i happen to occupy at that moment when i give up.

i cant tell u how many times ive gone back to the beginning. once more. try again. lets start at the basics and build my way back up. my foundation is still shakey. in the past 3 years that ive been learning japanese ive been constantly shifting and changing and looking for the best way to learn. now i start again.

ive decided to go straight into jpns 2002. the next class in line for me to take. i realized the only one holding myself back is me. im the only one. so this week begins a new push to review all my old textbooks before i start again in the spring. im very excited. this is my dream minor. i can do this.

so far ive loaded all my jpns cds in and have gotten thru to 2 chapters in my book. 16 in all. so 2 a week and ill be done by the first week in december. this actually works out quite well because i have too much free time and more than enough resources to get this done.
ive ordered the textbooks that my new school used for the first year courses and will start in those after ive completed my review of my old textbooks.
ill be emailing the head of the department to see if he knows of a tutor who can work one on one with me.
i will not give up. everyone tells me how hard this is. how impossible. but its not. no language is harder than another. just like no language is better than another [o how i love linguistics]. the key is that u never give up. and so far i havent.

point of long entry-to keep me accountable and to have something to look back to when im having trouble. so far so good.