Nie

Everyone seems to have interpreted this goal differently. But I’ve been in a fog for three years and nothing feels real to me. I feel like time doesn’t exist, maybe even like I don’t exist. I read somewhere that it’s a defense mechanism the brain uses to protect you from traumatic events or big emotions, brought on by depression or anxiety. But it’s such a strange, empty feeling. I don’t know how to deal with it, I’m so sick of living life without eyes or a clear head. I want to wake up from it, experience the world the way we’re supposed to.

I feel like those people in the Claritin commercials who are foggy until they ‘peel’ away the fog and then they can live again.

Sadly, there is no Claritin for literally foggy minds…does that even make sense?

You must be out there somewhere…I’ve been waiting for years, can’t you speed up the process and come find me?

It gets lonely, talking to puppies and electronics. I don’t even care if you’re dumb as a log or a smart-ass.

It’d be really cool if you were into video games, and maybe played(as badly as I do) some kind of fun instrument that goes well with ukulele. Maybe you’ll even struggle with weight problems too and we can beat it together. If you wanted a part-time job, we could both venture into the anxious world and I wouldn’t have to do it alone. You wouldn’t care that I was as nerdy as they come, and I wouldn’t care that you have a phobia of dishwashers. Maybe you’d have a Peter Pan complex like me, or a weird sense of humor that I would get, the same way that you would get mine.

You can’t know how long I’ve been waiting to meet you. Movies about teenage girls make me sad because I feel cheated out of a happy adolescence, but I’ll forgive you for taking so long, if you’ll only come and break my anti-social lifestyle.

I think that was the most pathetic thing I’ve ever written.

My mom picked one up today, and I managed to wiggle and sway for 21 minutes so far. I plan to go at it again in a few hours(the games were surprisingly fun- and difficult!)

Much to Mii Nie’s dismay, I’m in the overweight section and I’m 12 years older than I should be. Current goal: lose 22 pounds in 2 months. It’ll be a stretch(pun intended), but I think I can make it.

But dang, did it ever feel good to sweat it out in the comfort of my bedroom!