stormy0609

at what has happened. I was amazed at the goals that I had checked off on here as much as 2 years ago, and to realize all the changes I made went to shit! I started smoking again, stopped running, and completly lost sight of all those things that really mattered to me when I made the goals in the first place and now. It’s crazy to me how quickly and easily we can lose sight of what matters most. People often tell me that I am too focused on the details and should pay more attention to the bigger picture. I feel differently, I feel like the entire world lies in those very details. It’s in those details that you figure out who you are, what you want, where you’re going and where you actually want to be. When you stare at the bigger picture for too long it becomes one of those magic eye puzzles, and the next thing you know everything is fuzzy and you are forced to look away just to see straight again. Yes, it’s time to head back to the basics of me. I would like to think that once I start doing things that I enjoy again, the bigger stuff will simply fall into place. Well, one can dream, right?

With the recent changes in my life, heart, and mind, this one kind of fell into place. It’s amazing how different life is without someone there that just makes you feel down. Not any one thing either, just overall down about everything. I have a whole new lease on life!!! I am in the process of quitting smoking, I can wear whatever I want to, carry the purse I want, go where I want when I want. This has driven me to make alot of changes. I am eating better, not hurting myself, I am walking with my girls everyday. I feel great!! What’s weird is, I didn’t know how awful I felt before until I made the changes and saw how awesome I feel now!!!

I believe that the term “be a better person”, is so vauge, so wide and open to just about anything. Do I want to think of myself as a better person or do I want to be percieved by others as a better person, this is the real question. I believe the answer is that I want to see in myself a better person. I think one of the main things would be to stop being so hard on myself, to stop listening to all the negative voices of those that care about me, and start thinking more about myself. What is that is gonna make me happy? Where do I want to be right now, and in the future? What do I really enjoy doing? What makes me laugh, I mean really from the bottom of my belly-laugh? What do I find attractive in others? What is it that I really want from life, no not 20 years from now, today, tomorrow. How do I measure up as a mother to the mother in my childhood visions? What kind of examples do I want to set for my babies? What can I offer to the world? What do I want to be remembered as when I die?
The answers may very well surprise you! They surprised the hell out of me!!