sungoddess

Crazy how long this has been on my list and I am only NOW doing this.

However, the first step, getting my permit is entrain.

I got to do the regulation test of Friday afternoon.

Photo by Taran Rampersad.

1) I appreciate that I know how to set goals and meet them.
2) I appreciate my ability to pray with my whole soul.
3) I appreciate my deep intuition and the ability to dream.
4) I appreciate my ability to reproduce.
5) I appreciate my capacity for self-healing.
6) I appreciate my brain’s thirst for information.
7) I appreciate my newly slender body.
8) I appreciate my ability to speak and knowing when to shut up.
9) I appreciate my vagina’s strength and my celibacy.
10) I appreciate my genetic material.

Currently playing in iTunes: Turn Your Lights Down Low by Bob Marley & The Wailers
Two weekends ago, my brother and my mother got into one hell of a fight. In short, it was Mummy who started it, Jomo who continued it, but me who ended it.

The next morning I was sitting down at my desk working, and I heard the newspaper man tooting his little horn. I ran out and bought a newspaper and turned straight to the classifieds.

I saw two flats available in my area, and close to the new daycare I signed Dayo up for (long story in and of itself). I called one, and it was taken, but the second of the two was still available. As the conversation progressed, it was to discover I knew the man who was renting the place. He was the gentleman who guided me through my initial exploration when I was considering converting to Islam as a teenager. Although I ultimately decided Islam was not the right road to God for me, I maintained my friendship with him, and in fact we worked for the same company for almost a year.

At any rate, I decided… I was going to go look at this place.

I took Dayo with me, and we got totally lost looking for the place… it was getting later and later, but I found the Muslim gentleman’s number from the paper I had a stranger I ran into bring for me. I called, and he came and collected me and Dayo and off we went to see the place. My point is, I refused to be discouraged. I just kept looking. My spirit told me, NOW was the time to do this.

In the last eighteen months, I’ve been saying I wanted to move out, and would be there saying money is the problem. However, in reality my fear was the real problem. I could have afforded to move out six months ago, but instead of doing it, I would find a reason why not. Cost, being afraid of being in a house alone with Dayo… all kinds of reasons. However, in reality, I was simply afraid to be on my own again because I wasn’t really alone. When I was younger, I could roll from place to place and country to country like a nomad and not worry, because all I had to worry about was myself. With Dayo, there is so much more at stake.

Two Sundays ago, I made a decision. I spent the last year stepping out of my comfort zone, working on myself and my life. Working hard to make things happen for myself and most importantly for my son.

After I saw the place, I fell in love with it on sight. Everything in my body went, “YES!!!”

I paid the deposit on the spot, and went back the next day to pay the first month’s rent. By Friday night, I had moved heaven and earth and moved out of my mother’s house.

I am now independent for the first time since July 2005.

I live in a beautiful two-bedroom apartment, with lots of room for me and my boy. I have loads of storage space, a gorgeous walk-in closet and best of all an awesome view of the sunsets going down over the Caribbean Sea.

So while I may not be completely alone, I am on my own again and I am relishing it.

I plan to take the time and the space, hunker down and focus on healing from the dramas of the last three years. I need it.