sunya

in fact that reminds me, I need to send a check right now

very much looking forward to 8-day retreat in colorado this summer

certainly want to re-up my daily practice before then

my current psychopharmacologist was fine, just great, and then he got all weird on me…really unpleasant actually…inappropriate

he decided i would work on my dissertation for twenty years, that it was pointless, “a fool’s errand” !!

next session he retreats, calls it counter-transference, and explains how go got delayed on a piece of research and was scooped by someone much stupider than he

but session the next, he’s irrationally anti again…”a merry chase” he says and he doesn’t know how i can stand it

wellllllll

as bad as this sounds, i may end up returning if i can’t find someone else

first try…an officious bureaucrat of a doctor who (i kid you not) puts me in a room with a video of herself to interact with

next, finally get a call back after a few tries from another one. she first says yes, she takes my insurance, but then insists i find out where to send forms because maybe she doesn’t take my insurance. i explain there is no way i can get this information. i can not, by any means i’ve discovered, speak to a living person ot ask any questions whatsoever. if it’s not on the web, it’s not available. very irritable, she tells me they have to speak to me; they have a responsibility.

insurance. responsibility. ha. ha. ha. ha. ha. what world is this woman living in? not this stupid country where healthcare is more concept than reality.

i’m losing my enthusiasm for the project

spoke with me for over an hour today

she’s always encouraging, and really wants me to find something of interest to me. why is that the last thing i think of? i have so little faith that i can succeed that way. she’s done that spectacularly, but i don’t think i have quite her skills, or genius to be sure

i’m so very grateful that i’ve had a chance to meet her and know her.