sweetscorpion

I’ve dreamt about Ireland for a very long time. I’ve read books about Ireland and when I closed my eyes I could see myself standing on the edge of a cliff looking out over the water. Behind me were hills of green and my heart was finally at peace. I would put on my jeans and a sweater and walk for hours. I would discover more about myself in those hours then I could have ever discovered here in this busy life I am living now. Everything is filled with pain here, I want to go, and find my happiness….and when I come back I will hopefully be a whole woman again.

For the first 5 years of my adult life I depended on someone else to “DO” for me. I wanted him to go to school so he could get a good enough job to support “US”. Well, there is no “US” anymore, and I have found so many things difficult to accomplish on my own. All I want is to be able to do what I want, when I want, how I want. I want to pay my own bills and not have to worry about putting clothing on my back as well. I want to die knowing that my life was lived for me and no one else. I want to be proud of the things I have accomplished. I want to know that everything I have and every thing I did, I did on my own. I know this will take me years to fully accomplish, but, I think honestly it is the only thing that will set me free.

I have so much in my mind, and I have an incredible opportunity to be able to go to school with little expense, yet I procrastinate doing it. WHY??? I don’t know, I want to, I have a passion and I need to start to follow this dream.