swtmorbidangel

It’s very hard. It’s hard to explain ur reasoning behind it when they find out. My best friend michelle asked me why i did it and i told her its calming. That once i first break the skin i feel SO much better. I can understand it myself but i’m very proud of myself for not doing it for so long. But right now im struggling. Another blow up with parents. Even right now, i am just sitting here staring at my “cutters kit” with my razor blades and other essentials in it. I am struggling… I’ve been doing the rubberband therapy lately. Snapping the rubberband instead of cutting but ive snapped it so much that my skins opened up so it defeats the whole purpose. But to all the rest of the cutters out there, its essential that u stop NOW. because the next cut you do could be ur last. it was for my friend, Andrew….

I’ve stood strong for a long time with my depression. Everytime i hurt i would either shut down so i felt nothing or take my mind off it to try to keep from going to that stage when i stay in bed all day, starve myself and just sleep. But… i’ve having an episode that i just cant shake. I am trying so hard to beat it but when im off my meds, its so much harder to do… God, gimme strength. sigh

It’s winning. It’s pulling me down and causing so much pain. I’m so tired of waking up every morning just in shear torment about my life and everything in it. the physical scars ive inflicted on myself are evidence to everyone who sees them that im a sad lil pathetic nothing. Yes, this is like alot of other posts on here. “oh i want to kill myself” and “lifes not worth living”. I can elaberate further. Life is full of ups and downs. Some people handle the downs better then others. Ive trained myself to shut down when the downs become imminent but ive put so much effort into shutting down that i cant do it anymore… and here comes the floodgates. The self-loathing, the heartache, the depression. It’s hard to deal. So ive set a date and time and have told none of my friends. That way, i cant be stopped. Before i’d plead to them to stop me and save me from myself but now… its just too much. Typing this out may be “a cry for help” but the only help i need right now cant be provided by any human. Only God. May God have mercy on my soul.