I'm doing 36 things
you have done everything you can think of to make me feel insignificant, worthless, and insecure. You belittle my choices in life, my words, my friends, my job. You treat me like shit 90 percent of the time, and you openly admit that, with no remorse. why? because you dont “feel” like treating me like a girlfriend (though you get pretty hella pissed if I hang out with another guy) , because you dont want either of us to get attached to something thats bound to end badly, and that whats the point.
so what the fuck do i do? my dumb ass self? I fucking allow it. I allow you to parade me around like a girlfriend, to use me like a girlfriend, without any of my emotional needs fulfilled. What else? I answer your fucking calls and texts. I hang out with your friends, I cook for you, I listen when you need to bitch. I let you hold me at night.
I thought, last week, that a change had come over you. The more I avoided you, your calls, and your advances, the more you wanted me, wanted to check in just to say hi, wanted to be publicly affectionate. You treated me nicely, considerately, maturely (not like the 12 year old brat you usually are).
Then, last night, you just told me everything that any sane, rational person would hear, and just walk away.
and I just fucking took it, and slept over anyway because im a dumb bitch.
I never thought i would be one of those girls that would stay in a verbally abusive situation. but after my ex, I know that I am going thru a hard time, and the insecure part of myself feels like i deserve a shitty situation like this. like this is all i can get.
and i dont.
I am so so scared of being on my own that i will let you make me feel inconsequential, second guessing my own instinct, and just proving by my actions, that maybe, i am as stupid as you say i am.
