I keep trying to look at every new day as a fresh start
And I continue to fail. My skin looks so bad that I don’t even want to leave the house right now. But I have to because I have class tomorrow. But I’m not going out tomorrow night or anything. That’s how bad it is. I want to go to the gym but my skin is so disgusting I don’t even think it’s worth it.
Why can’t I stop picking?
I annihilated my face again.
I also came to a devastating conclusion. When I try to cut back on my junk food binging habits, I turn to the mirror and pick at my face to cope. When I try to curb my face picking, I turn to junk food. What the fuck do I do?????
I need to start counting hours again. Keeping my hands off worked when I was counting. Right now, I am at 3 hours. There was this pimple at the side of my face and I squeezed it. My rationalization? Well last night, it was that if I squeeze the shit out of it, it will temporarily look better. Never works. Fuck my life.
I’m on my period so I’m going to have to grin and bear it. This is the ultimate test right here: the time of the month where my acne has the largest tendency to flare up. 3 hours, 3 hours, 3 hours….
Oh,and by the way,exercise and a healthy diet are my only tips for good skin. Except for washing it when I shower and occasionally putting lotion on my face, the more I try to ignore it, the less I pick. While facials and scrubs and all these products may seem nice, the less I focus on my skin and the less I use, the better off I am.
i’ve been squeezing at innocent little spots where white stuff comes out but the spot isn’t red. It is so hard to resist squeezing when I know that there won’t be any visible damage. But no matter what you squeeze at, it is damaging to your face, especially over time. When my face looks clear, I lose the motivation to stop picking and it’s so hard! I picked a little today and my face doesn’t look bad (THANK GOD) but I feel so defeated about not being able to keep my hands off. :(
Luckily my picking wasn’t anything too damaging or noticeable. However, nevertheless, I still picked and caved. So now I am starting over. I have not picked at my face in 9 hours.
it has been 125 hours
although last night there was a tiny spot and i gave in and squeezed
for like 10 seconds but I’m just going to forget about it. I’ve done so well my skin is starting to look amazing again and it’s making me so happy! I hope I don’t relapse. Even though it’s inevitable. But I’m feeling abnormally optimistic about this time. I’m starting to think that I maybe can really do this!
I have gone TWO FULL DAYS WITHOUT PICKING. To be exact, it has been approximately 60 hours.
What I’ve been doing is this thing called self-dialogue. Whenever I want to pick, I start writing down a self-dialogue with myself. I write as the part of myself that wants to pick and talk about why I want to do it. Then there’s the more rational part of my self that tells myself why I can’t pick. You always let the rational part win. For example:
I want to peel skin off my forehead
Don’t do it
why?
you know it will lead to more
not if I control it
but you can’t control it. Besides, your skin will take care of itself
But it’s there practically begging for me to do it!
Leave it alone. It’s not hard. Just DON’T DO IT
It would be so easy
But it’s so easy to leave it alone. It’s already looking so much better
I suppose you’re right.
In a nutshell, whenever I want to pick, I try to figure out why I want to do it. I will be itching to just scratch a little bit at that pimple and want to do it so bad and try to justify it with myself. When I write these thoughts down and realize that my justifications all suck, it helps me to forget about it.
I know it’s only 11 o clock in the morning for me…
but I thought I would mention that I have not picked yet
every time i come home drunk i pick
you know how some people drink and eat pizza?
Well I drink and pick my face! (I eat pizza too though by the way ;))
Why can’t I resist? Why? I always do it no matter how badly I want NOT to do it. What the FLYING FUCK is wrong with me?
