theplaiddress

I was so, so lucky. My depression came mostly in the form of a giant fog. Most of the time I simply did not know what I was feeling, what was going on around me, how I was relating to other people, and so on. It was like I was disconnected from the world. I was committed to the psych ward, literally less than a week before my college graduation, against my will. But once there, my head cleared somehow and I realized that this was not the way my life had to be. I did not need to be miserable all the time. I wasn’t doomed. That was the kicker. Of course I’m still on daily medication and see my therapist 2x a month, and of course I have nights when I cry myself to sleep, and panic attacks, and moments of hopelessness. I am not a bright ray of optimism, by any means. But the sadness, when it comes, is different: I simply have perspective now.

Everyone has their moment of clarity. Grab it when you get it and don’t let go. It’s hard as hell, but it’s worth it.

I spent the last year languishing as an English and Latin teacher, waiting the year out so that I could escape and find a new job in my “chosen” field. I had an editorial internship in college, but that’s the extent of my real publishing experience. Well, on Monday I start work at a research institute; I’m going to be proofreading the standardized tests that they write and print for elementary to high school students. Proofreading 9-5 every day. To my friends this sounds like grunt work. But I am so excited. Different minds, I suppose. I’ll call this in progress, but not completed quite yet. Next step is to move to a company that publishes “real” books.

It was in Berlin, Cosi Fan Tutte, and they messed it up by setting it in the hippie 60s, so the set and the costumes were the tackiest I’d ever seen. But it was still worth it; the opera house was beautiful and the music was lovely.