I'm doing 5 things
that if they tell me everything that’s wrong with me that….I don’t know…they will feel better? they will fix me? I don’t know what they think. I do know that they apparently tried this on my mother and she committed suicide which is okay, but I’m not her. So….I’ve had 4 mothers since I was 8 years old. Four mothers for almost 40 years and I’m tired of trying to make 4 women love me. Okay, even like me so I’ve given up. But, they can’t help themselves. I have to hide from them and now they’ve discovered where I live and my mental sister drops by my gated community late at night and scares the crap out of me.
Yes, I was sleeping, exercising, eating well etc… and that got blown to hell. Yes, I know I give them the power. Unfortunately, I’m 8 years old around them and I couldn’t protect myself back then. I still can’t so I really don’t want to deal with them. I don’t particularly like them. I used to feel guilty about that, but after have several months sister-free, I realize that I like not having them around. I’m happier and I don’t spend as much money trying to make them like me. My oldest sister clued me into that when she disapprovingly told me I was trying to buy love. And, she was right. I don’t think she meant to help me because that followed her telling me that I should write my good qualities down and discover that I might be a good person. She’s been telling me that FOR YEARS. I wonder if she writes her good qualities down. I quit spending money on them (not her, haven’t had a relationship with her in years and she married some rich guy) and, wow, they really disliked then. Now, she can spend her money on them, oops….her husband’s money.
