barrel, scares me to see
it’s an empty, confidence thief
and what scares me most is that the deal is sealed.
But if I leave a crumb in there, if I go all-in but
even if it’s a little left
that bit means SO MUCH more.
It means a plug in my tank of confidence
so friends, lets not get down & give it up
look more & more at the parts you leave
when it’s too much to see the top.
I have a small calender in a frame where I’ve marked every day with a P (and circled). It’s a pure day given, for every day this year. They are already given, I can only take them away.
In the past, I would put one line through the day if I failed, and will do that now if I do too.
I’m setting boundaries, slowly, realistically.
First, I said no thinking of people who are close to me, like.. people you should never think about.
That feels like I’m cool with it, and so I feel at peace.
Than, I’m saying- don’t think of the same person twice.
I did this before and remained pure, with augmentation from spiritual stuff & other goals, for over 6 months. I didn’t actually really have a lustful thought.
So we’ll see how this goes. Ya’ll can keep me accountable, and I can you.