thirstygirl

I was crushed when my first cat died (after almost 18 years). It took several years for me to open myself up to being vulnerable again. When this emaciated little furball showed up in the neighborhood, I agreed to take him in “for a night or two…just till we find him a new home”. Famous last words. He gave me the big Puss in Boots eyes (like in the Shrek movies) and I fell for him.

We used to walk every day (he wore a harness and leash) but since being neutered he won’t leave the yard. He’s bored senseless so I’m thinking of getting a companion for him. He’s not fond of other cats but seems to take to small dogs. He often drives me crazy but I love him and he makes life alot more interesting.

1. Stay out of stores.
2. Stop flyer delivery again.
3. Log every penny spent.
4. Search for things I can return for refund.
5. Bring a friend along on return runs so I don’t spend my refund.
6. Pay income tax instalment at 1st of month along with bills.
7. Sort and find storage space for all the crap I’ve bought.
8. Go for walks outdoors instead of in a mall or big box store.
9. Spend time creating something using what I already own.
10.Apply for debt consolidation loan before end of Feb/2011.

Have pissed away over $5K over last several months on non-necessities, none of it went to debt repayment or even to income tax. I am so ashamed.

I guess the lesson in this is:
a) not to panic, and;
b) start fresh, get my shit together, grow up, and quit using money, shopping and material possessions (which I don’t even unpack!!!) as distractions from dealing with very serious problems in my life.
c) keep this up and I’ll end up being featured on an episode of “Hoarders.” (which probably wouldn’t be a bad thing)
d) I need help. I’m going to start to look honestly at my self-destructive behavior, truly assess the damage financially and psychologically, start logging every penny I spend, get out from under the stacks and piles of clutter, and start to spend my time and energy in constructive ways that improve my quality of life. If I fall back into my old habit of yielding to temptation and spending money I need for necessities, I will ask someone for help, to keep me accountable, to make healthy choices.