I hope someone reads this entire entry. I was feeling great yesterday and today about making today my first entire day without picking. I guess I did go 24 hours without picking because I just picked now and the last time I picked previous to this was yesterday morning. But I only count one day as from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep. I was really certain I would not pick today. But then my little sister cut her wrists again and my mood changed. I stilled tried to do everything I could to avoid picking but it was too difficult. I managed to make my sister stop crying and put a smile on her face but she wouldn’t talk to me about it. And as she left to go to sleep I told her to come to me next time before she cut again And she just gave me this smile and said “ok”, and it seemed she was thinking ‘you are an idiot to believe I would come to you and you would help/stop me’. And I really just want to cry right now or have someone to talk to about this with but instead I picked. At least everything I picked at was a small whitehead and popped right away so there was no blood. And I stopped after the 12 whiteheads were “gone”. But it didn’t make the hurt inside me go away.
If anyone has trouble with acne but doesn’t have it so severe that they require oral prescription. You should try the cream prescription Clindoxly gel. I started using it again a month ago and my skin has cleared pretty nicely. But be prepared to break out more for the first month while your skin adjusts before it gets better.
Hopefully I can stop picking at that pimple between my chin and cheek so my face can have some time to heal. It was a tiny invisible bump before I turned it into a red swollen open sore. Why do I continue to forget that picking makes it worse.
I should try writing on here more often to remind myself of the commitment I need to make. My skin is looking better (considering I only picked at one pimple since Sunday) but I would be much happier if I did not pick at all and it was completely clear.
…and I failed. I guess I shouldn’t expect too much from myself considering I have been very bad lately. But I picked at 3 pimples and 1 scab. So at least I can still count the number of casualties and the count is very low. Especially compared to yesterday where I spared nothing. It is just unfortunate that I picked at all today considering I had a facial and I typically do not pick at all after having a facial. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully I can control myself better for tomorrow.
I have tried this site years ago to help me quit picking but I wasn’t able to stick to it long enough to quit. I have been picking since I was 11 years old. It has only gotten worse each year. I pick daily ranging from 15 mins to 1.5 hrs a day. Some times I go a day without doing it, but these are very rare. I just want to feel beautiful and confident and stop ruining my skin before it begins to scar…if it hasn’t began to already.
Today I decided in a desperate state, after picking at my face for about 1.5 hours, possibly more, throughout the day that it was time to do something drastic about this. So here I am, letting you see my ugly face. And hopefully when I am finally happy with my appearance I will stop blurring out my eyes.
Notes to self: You really could have, and should have stopped after picking for the first time earlier today. But you kept at it into the night. Because you felt hopeless and ugly once you started. Well, wake up! picking more didn’t make it better, it didn’t make you feel better! You feel terrible now and your skin feels raw and rubbery and like fire. And every time you begin to pick you seem to forgot how you feel afterwards. Well don’t forget, this feeling is not something you want to feel ever again. Isn’t that picture hard for you to look at, isn’t the mirror hard to look into you. This makes you want to hide away forever.