timelyhandclaps

I’m changing my goal. As I mentioned in the last entry, a major reason to not actually learn French is that it could become a dead language at any moment. But that’s when it hit me, a dead language is actually exactly what I want. I’m much less likely to be caught speaking fake Latin than speaking fake French. Also, speaking a dead language is like being a foreigner wherever you go.

I’ve gotten some great suggestions with this goal. Specifically, someone pointed out how few boardgames involve nudity. I’ve made it my personal mission to remedy this. My first idea: Naked Monopoly (Patent Pending). Occasionally Monopoly sounds like it will be fun. Then you’re an hour into it, watching your money slowly and steadily dwindle away because your old friend has become a Slum Lord with hotels on Baltic and you land on them EVERY TIME you pass go, the game resembles your financial situation in real life too much to be amusing. So what do you do to salvage the game? Same thing you do in real life: get naked. It’s amazing how simply removing your clothes will liven up the situation. Also, taking off your clothes when your losing simulates a level of poverty that adds real depth to the game.

I’m also going to make Naked Risk, Naked Connect Four, Naked Mouse Trap, Naked Guess Who, and others (patents pending)

My latest chapter is a success (so far) ! It’s full of action so I had to drink three Stoke to get my heart pumping in pace with the chapter. The part I just wrote, and much of the rest of my novel, revolves around a children’s game I made up called ‘Monster’. It’s like a combination of hide-and-go-seek, tag, and terror. At the end of the chapter one or more of the kids needs to break their leg or get into some sort of accident playing Monster that adults can say ‘I told you so’ about. The progression from childhood to maturity is slow and vague; the accident will function as a distinct turning point. I just haven’t figured out exactly how many kids to hurt and how to hurt them.