I'm doing 36 things
I hadn’t smoked since I started my ritalin, until tonight. I stole a cigarette and smoked a bit of it and then I had a panic attack. I’ve felt absolutely wretched since I smoked, but while I was smoking it wasn’t that bad – it was almost comforting.
I had thought about quitting but wasn’t really planning on doing it when I did. It was merely a side effect of the medication. I mostly don’t smoke because I can’t. However, once the ritalin wears off the urge comes back strong. I can’t take ritalin round the clock, so I guess I need to work on identifying my triggers and avoiding those.
1. Pop – I quit drinking pop at the same time I quit smoking. Last week I went on somewhat of a pop binge and it left me feeling terrible.
2. Not showering – kind of gross, but I don’t let myself get super smelly or anything. I really just stop taking care of myself as much as I could and it becomes a kind of downward spiral.
3. Food – always a concern. The better I eat the less likely I am to want to smoke. I was doing really well with raw veganism and fell off the train last week. I’m not punishing myself for this, but I do need to get back on top of it again because it does affect other aspects of my life.
I am totally sitting here at 4am drinking a Mountain Dew. One day I will come to terms with the fact that I’m a total hypocrite.
