I am acutely aware of my anger problem. I feel the heat rising in me, but the problem is that I can’t stop from losing my temper some times. Most of the time I can gauge my internal temperature and lower it by distracting myself. But every once in a while I lose control and I blow up at my friends.
I need a way to cope with this. I don’t think I can “solve” this problem for myself. I think I can only trick my feeble mind into cooling off.
I avoid wanting things that I know I may not be able to have. I do this to protect my ego, like the fox and the sour grapes.
I need to find things to want, so that I can pursue them and either succeed or fail. It may be more fulfilling to try something and fail, then to not try anything.
I’ve decided to face the facts; I am not a persuasive person. I like to think I’m a rational person, very logical, but that fact has little to do with persuasion. Facts are great for supplying evidence for an argument but that’s not the whole argument.
I should define what I’m looking for (in myself). Persuasion to me is selling an idea and getting action from another person on it. It’s moving people to take my action instead of theirs. But it’s more than that. It’s getting people to WANT to take my action instead of theirs. But why persuade at all? Should I just let them have what they want. Well, my ego tells me that I should get them to want what I want. When I want something and I go along with another person’s suggestion instead, then for some reason I feel hurt. This may be a problem in itself, but that’s another topic for thought
To me, my friend James is marvelous at persuading. What is it? He has enthusiasm. You really think HIS option may be better for YOU. You end up wanting his option! Also, he listens and adjusts well (if you say you like hamburgers instead of pizza, he knows a ‘great’ spot for that too). He leads (First round is on me). He continues to lead throughout. Where ever you go, you ‘know’ that you will leave with an experience. He gets excited to show you something new.
Things I should work on:
1. Listening to the other’s desires / objections. I have a set agenda in mind when I try to persuade and it would help to adjust my message based on their objections or desires.
2. Offer evidence for your option that supports their desires / objections. Evidence is stronger if they can’t combat it. For example, If I say place X has the best burgers and they have not been there, then they have little basis to disagree.
3. Lead throughout, but allow them to take over if they want.
4. Give the other person something to remember. If the event isn’t a smash in itself you should provide the goodie bag. They decided on your option, give them a reward. This reduces/removes buyers remorse for buying your idea.