tomato_seedling

i think can say i’ve done this, being a pastry chef and all..

well, we finally bought some fly fishing rods, and then took a little trip on saturday to a nearby river. it was fantastic. we’re hooked now, so to speak.

this is one of my most difficult goals. because, in addition to my own preference to writing over speaking, somehow the friends that i have seem to prefer to communicate over email too.

i found one! and not only am i moving into a better neighborhood, i’m moving into a place that has no memories of him…

it’s been more than a year now. although it doesn’t seem worth it, honestly i still cry sometimes over him. there are really dark days when i miss him to the depths of my soul, and sometimes there is no comfort anywhere. but every once in a while, things get a little bit better. i hope that eventually the better things will win out.

i really need to do something about my room. it has potential. wouldn’t it be really nice if my room was something that people would say, “oh, what a cute room!” when they walk into it?
but instead it’s a bit disorganized at the moment.

okay. small steps. this weekend i’d like to have people over for a game night. now that a certain unnamed person is out of the picture, i am feeling more comfortable about inviting people to hang out.

reading makes me happy. a good heavy fiction novel on a gorgeous summer day. and a hammock, maybe.

i’ve updated my resume and also got a promotion!

Easy to do during blueberry season!

he is not worth it.

i can’t do this consciously, and i can’t seem to do it unconsciously either.

early music makes me happy.

i’ve had to wrestle with this one for a while now, but i think i’m starting to come out of it. acknowledging my feelings – both the bad and the good – to myself and to him and to my friends has really helped.

i know this is really bad, ha ha, but SHOPPING makes me happy.

from now on, instead of beating myself up for not being “over him” yet, i’m just going to try to recognize and accept where i am in the process. and understand that it’s okay that i think about him a few times a day. it’s better than where i was a few months ago, and with some hope and luck, i will think about him even less a few months from now.
distracting myself with lots of different and new things, and not communicating with him and not seeing him has helped. there are still some times when i run into him or am reminded by him, but nevertheless things are slowwwwwwllllllly getting better.

taking a long walk on a sunday makes me happy.

looking at all of the entries on this topic, it seems like the consensus is that we just have to cut off all contact and avoid him. well, it has worked for me for the past few months.
today though, out of the blue, i got an email from him. a mass email inviting me and a bunch of other people to the theatre. i haven’t gotten an email from him for months. are we suddenly friends again now? was it out of politeness that he sent the email? do i respond? is he testing to see how i’m feeling? suddenly i am thinking about this again, and that is bad. suddenly it all comes back to me, and i find myself crying and hating him and loving him, and these months of progress are ripped apart just like that.

i would like to start applying to part-time jobs in pastry/chocolate work. this involves updating my resume (or, really, creating a new one). i can probably do this tonight, but i wanted to add it to 43 things so that i can actually accomplish one of my goals…

whenever i do yoga, i feel so much better. in all aspects of my life. but for some reason i rarely do it. i’ve been thinking about signing up for a series of classes so that i’d be forced to go. it’d be cheaper, too..