touchingmeltemi

is regrouping.



I'm doing 38 things
 

touchingmeltemi's Life List

  1. 1. get back in shape
    1 entry
    616 people
  2. 2. go to edinburgh for hogmanay
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    6 people
  3. 3. spend an entire summer outside
    2 entries . 2 cheers
    2 people
  4. 4. live to do, not to have
    1 cheer
    1 person
  5. 5. walk my dog daily for several weeks
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    1 person
  6. 6. find financial stability
    1 entry
    4 people
  7. 7. learn five languages (besides English)
    4 entries . 2 cheers
    1 person
  8. 8. realize the social service I keep envisioning
    3 entries . 2 cheers
    1 person
  9. 9. deal with stress in a constructive manner
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    1 person
  10. 10. finish my second undergraduate degree in chemistry
    6 entries . 1 cheer
    1 person
  11. 11. find a suitable job
    3 entries . 1 cheer
    7 people
  12. 12. Get through this semester
    2 entries
    11 people
  13. 13. love my own heart
    2 entries . 4 cheers
    1 person
  14. 14. not be so lonely
    2 entries . 2 cheers
    2 people
  15. 15. find and read 20 inspirational works
    5 entries . 2 cheers
    1 person
  16. 16. finish my genetics research
    1 entry
    1 person
  17. 17. finish my organic chemistry research
    1 entry
    1 person
  18. 18. be happy on my own..not having to rely on someone else for happiness
    2 entries . 2 cheers
    161 people
  19. 19. wake up earlier
    2 entries . 1 cheer
    1,876 people
  20. 20. find someone worth spending my life with
    5 entries . 2 cheers
    2 people
  21. 21. finally break out of my unproductive cycle and become something INCREDIBLE
    1 entry . 4 cheers
    1 person
  22. 22. see Angkor Watt
    2 entries . 1 cheer
    2 people
  23. 23. Massacre the MCAT's
    2 entries
    3 people
  24. 24. move to a new city
    1 entry
    131 people
  25. 25. go to carnival in Brazil and Venice
    1 entry
    1 person
  26. 26. have more self control
    1 entry
    108 people
  27. 27. celebrate Chinese New Year in Beijing
    1 entry . 2 cheers
    1 person
  28. 28. run with the bulls in Spain
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    29 people
  29. 29. ignite my passion
    2 entries
    1 person
  30. 30. finish all my art projects
    5 entries . 2 cheers
    3 people
  31. 31. fill The Wine List
    7 entries
    5 people
  32. 32. pay off my student loans
    2 cheers
    2,840 people
  33. 33. find silent exhilaration everyday
    1 entry . 5 cheers
    1 person
  34. 34. transform my life
    1 entry
    4 people
  35. 35. find what I am made of, somehow, somewhere
    2 entries . 2 cheers
    1 person
  36. 36. go to medical school
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    443 people
  37. 37. go to Dublin for St. Patrick's Day
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    6 people
  38. 38. get over him
    6 entries . 2 cheers
    1,311 people

How I did it
How to read the "Grapes of Wrath"
It took me
3 days
It made me
not like Steinbeck


How to move to England
It took me
6 months
It made me
a different person


How to graduate from college
It took me
4 years
It made me
accomplished


See all "How I Did It" stories...

Recent entries
get over him (read all 6 entries…)
Self-destruct 8 hours ago

I managed to fail my biochem test this morning all because I couldn’t concentrate. This is the second time I’ve self-destructed looking for meaning in my failed relationship/friendship. I need some help but I feel trapped. I can’t keep depending on my family or friends to support me because eventually those relationships will become strained. My past experiences with counseling have been terrible and unhelpful. I don’t know where to turn.

I am lost. Is there anyway to put this behind me?



get over him (read all 6 entries…)
Letter 2 days ago

It took a few days but my anger has subsided. There is a lingering sadness however. It’s with me often. Healthy and not, I started recalling all of the problems and disappointments. Every complaint on either end and everything that kept us together for so long. I want to organize it all and print it down on paper to see what really happened. It’s not about just finding “what went wrong (as if it’s singular)” but what I learned and how I’ve been impacted.

This is not about revenge either. I am not sending him what I will write. It’s for myself only. I need to make sense of every moment. This will either be the best idea I’ve ever had the worst pain I have ever felt.

“Dont cry because its over, smile because it happened.”

Unknown



get over him (read all 6 entries…)
A little sleep, not much 5 days ago

It’s almost four in the morning. My dreams have been strange lately and this morning’s addition was just as bizarre. Even after waking up for 30 seconds all the anger heavily weighs down my thoughts. The fantasies started yesterday: Standing point blank in his face screaming out every valid frustration all the while beating his chest with my fists. Screaming, out loud, everything. What I am really upset about it now I am furious, bent out of shape in hate, and there’s no one to direct my anger towards. He at least had the good sense to tell me when he was mad and why he was mad. After not really voicing why I was hurt when it started, I have two years of blaring anger to vent. There’s no one who deserves that kind of ferocity unleashed on them. It’s got to come out somehow or I am going to burst. It’s an irrational thought, but I feel like I deserve time from him to yell out all the throbbing pain since he did it to me so often. Not likely to happen yet it’s stuck in my head that I deserve a reciprocal time to explode.

I am furious and there’s nowhere for this anger to go.



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