trypanophobicdoll

I would say, from fall of last year to about May, I was closing in on 190 lbs. Needless to say, it was my every thought, I was depressed and felt ugly. Looking back, I was ugly, and I never want to be there again. I lost over fifteen lbs by how I’ve always thought it would happen, lifestyle changes. At the end of May I left for Japan. For those who don’t know, Japan is a country BIG on walking and all forms of public transportation. And biking. I was there for five weeks where I walked everywhere, everyday. I also ate healthier foods, though I’m surprised because I did eat sweets everyday. Just goes to show what exercise can do. I came back home in the begining of July and started back at work, which I was frightened would be disaster on my progress, but thankfully I started bringing healthier things to work, like sushi and veggie burgers. In August I moved to college, and while I do have a car, I walk everywhere. I don’t keep unhealthy food in my suite and I have to walk a minimum of seven minutes just to go get food in the Caf.
I do want to lose more weight because I’m very happy with how easy it’s been falling off. I figure if I completely knock out sweets and soda (which I have regularly, goes to show about exercise AGAIN and portion control) and start hitting up our fabulous campus gym three times a week, I could be the lowest weight I’ve ever been IN MY LIFE.

The day before I left for Japan, a friend and I are talking and he admits he’d like to pursue a relationship with me. I’d known him for my entire senior year, I thought he was cool but I’d never thought of him that way, and since I was leaving the country, made no promises. When I returned he paid a 70 taxi fee for me to come stay with him for a few days. We seemed to hit it off somehow. Two months later, he’s helplessly in love with me. Maybe part of me knows he’s not “the one”, if there is such a thing, because I can feel myself pushing him away. I’ll start fights, critisize him, and even say things that if said to me, would sting. It doesn’t matter what I do though, he thinks I’m the one and will not have me pushing.

My goal is to try and be a better girlfriend. He’s done nothing for me to be so harsh, I don’t know why I can be so mean. I don’t want this to always be a problem, in every relationship.

As a child, I used to get embarrassed over ANYTHING. No lie, it was horrible. But as I got older, the sweaty palms, the blushing.. it all went away. I haven’t blushed since I don’t know when. I guess my more recent go with the flow attitude works this way. I do know instead of blushing there are times when I get annoyed and my breast start to itch. I think that’s worse, but rare.