TTown Robin

I don’t have the same kind of angst with out romance..I miss writing in my journal. I did just write a really good poem about 9/11 the other day though. I thihk it might be a start..

As long as I enjoy Saturday morning cartoons, I think I’m doing okay.

I have finally given in to living my life the way I want to, and what a relief, as I have longed for this kind of freedom for years. I am free to live more comfortably, more so now I think, partly because my daughter is now old enough to fix her own dinner and take care of herself. That is part of what kept me from living this way before, even though living the “normal” and “acceptable” way was much more easily understood by my relatives and friends..(many seem to assume that if you stay up all night and sleep all day, that you are addicted to drugs..)
I have stopped getting up when other people think I should be up and going to bed at a decent hour. I sleep when I’m tired and I stay up all or most of the night almost every night now. I prefer nights sometimes (though I LOVE mornings in the Spring, and I still set my alarm to get up with my daughter for a 1/2 an hour or so before my daughter leaves to go to work or school) because it quiet, peaceful, and the outdoor sky reminds me to pray. The moon and stars are a reminder to me to talk to my mother in heaven, to pray for those who need prayers, and mostly to thank God for all of my many blessings.
I ADORE cuddling up with my little miniature Doberman Pinscher, Pumpkin, during the day, on my bed (and her bed/blanket on one end), watching “Judge TV”: Judge Mathis is my VERY favorite, Judge Alex is fine, and Judge Marilyn Mananas on the “Peoples Court” is one tough chick..though I would love to be able to afford cable TV – then I would have great things to watch all through the night too! We doze in and out of sleep, with my little puppy close up to me. We enjoy going outside when the weather is just right to go outside, and having the freedom to stay inside if it’s too hot and humid, or too cold and wet..
I like to deliver papers at night when it’s cool and quiet. I wish it were safer to be out then, and that I could mow the grass at night too when the neighbors are all asleep, and it’s cool out.
During the day, I prefer to hide myself away, so I don’t have to talk to everyone that passes by my house, which keeps me from getting my planned list of outdoor work accomplished. I don’t like the neighbors knowing what I am doing all the time and watching me from their porch while I work. At night I don’t have to dress decently, so I dress comfortably.
The not-so-healthy part of living more comfortably, includes: eating only what and when I want to (not good for losing weight), sitting at the computer for hours at a time just because I can & chain-smoking, which makes my lungs more congested, it makes me spend more money on Pepsi and cigarettes, and allows me to waste a lot of time surfing the internet, and smoking up the house, which is terrible for my daughter’s and dog’s lungs, as well as making my neck really hurt which takes a day or two to get better, and my lower back to hurt too, the whole next day, which in turn, makes me take more medicine!!
Another disadvantage of being up all night and sleeping usually from 11 a.m. till about 4 p.m. or longer is that I am also isolating myself from my daughter, which led me to being in my room in the first place, but that way we didn’t argue so much when she IS home, after she became a teenager, and so I don’t nag at her so much for being sloppy and kind of lazy. That probably makes HER feel more lonely and is not very good for her self-esteem. At night, it is very difficult to catch up on my telephone calls, business or personal. I usually don’t like to talk on the phone during the day. At night I could talk or “shoot-the-shit” for a much longer time due to having no interruptions and peace and quiet (no loud music in cars driving by, no one interrupting me, and no other calls coming in). I could talk much longer to people I love and miss, but when I sleep during the day, I don’t get any business taken care of, from 8 to 5 are most businesses’ hours, and I am usually sleeping or too tired/inpatient to wait on hold or talk to explain things. If someone calls me during the day that likes to talk for a long time about the “old days’ or likes to talk about non-issues, I usually screen my calls and don’t answer the phone, because after I talk that long, I’m irritated because they wouldn’t let me hang up after I said I had to go about 5 times, and my neck is killing me, and I wasted most of the day when I could have been getting something done. if I answered the phone, that usually was because I felt a little energetic, and I need to take advantage of that when I DO feel that way, and get some cleaning or yard work done. once I hang up the phone my energy has left me and nothing much gets done after that. I know that sounds EXTREMELY SELFISH, but I have felt that way about the telephone for the last 10 or so years..I kind of wish I didn’t.
In some ways you could say that living comfortably is being more lazy – but I prefer to think of it as living just the way I really wish to live.