Well I had this idea that I would ask the girls down the hall to wait at the airport with me on Friday, when Donald arrives. They’re going to be there anyway, so what’s the harm in waiting another half hour, right? And then I was going to ask them to help me out by video-taping the experience, so that later, I could take the video clip along with photographs and make it into a montage for him. I could send it to him before he even got home all the way so that he’d have a little surprise “I Love You and I Miss You All Over Again” gift.
But then my dad told me that it would scare him away.
So I tried to feel him out about it, and finally ended up just telling him the whole idea. Once I started thinking about my dad mentioning that he could be freaked out, I wanted to ask if it was possible to be too sappy with Donald, and I had hoped that the answer would be “No” but it wasn’t. He said it was possible to overdo it. It turns out that he only specified that it would have been a problem if it were a case of affection being displayed in the workplace or something like that, and I pointed out that physical affection and emotional mushiness are not the same thing, but it was already too late at that point.
That’s when I finally told him the whole idea. I mean, I figured I ought to just so that way he could gauge it. I really was starting to freak out about being too sappy by that point. And he didn’t really seem to catch on to what I was worried about even though I put it into explicit words, because when I mentioned how he said I never had to apologize for being sappy, he started talking about the actual conversation’s context (where I had apologized for being “snappy” and he thought I’d said “sappy”) instead of addressing the concern. Which, by the way, only augmented the concern. But anyhow. So I told him the entire plan.
Which means now I can’t do it.
But as I was telling him, I realized what a stupid and childish idea it was anyhow, and how ridiculous it was to be so crushed over having told him. And you know what? He STILL didn’t answer my question. After all that, I still don’t have an answer, I still don’t know if there is such a thing as overdoing my expressions of love or devotion or as being overly romantic with him. I have no freaking clue! It’s really quite disturbing. I never worried about it before.
He did mention fleetingly that the video wouldn’t have bothered him.
That’s it. Didn’t comment on the concept of the idea, on whether or not my dad was right, or if he thinks he would have liked it. Just said that he would have already acted out the scene of meeting me at the airport and it wouldn’t have bothered him to see it again (although he did mention that he thinks while not knowing would not have altered the experience for him, he wondered whether or not it would have for me).
I’m just confused. Can you love a person too much? Can you tell them too often? Can you overwhelm romance?
I know our relationship is on steady grounds and all, but I’m going to be a little more careful giving out this loveydoveyness. I’ve never been so googly-eyed before and maybe it’s time I stopped. At least in part. The last thing I want to do is have our relationship burn out because of having expressed an emotion too often or too much. And goodness knows that neither of us expresses how we feel about each other too little. I’m sure it’ll come up in conversation when he gets here, because if it doesn’t pop up on it’s own then I’ll be bringing it up lol. Anyway.
Oh I don’t know. I’m just overthinking about this overexpressing thing. Hm.
Then again, maybe I’m not. Last time I felt I was overthinking everything, he emailed me on his ex’s birthday to tell me he was going to end their friendship, close the ex file. Like I’m stupid enough not to realize that he would send that to me and still have to turn around and send a happy birthday. On the very same day. Hm.
Okay, overthinking. Overthinking. Stop.