Kayla

Holly Anastasia was born on the 27th of September in 2007 at 11:57pm. She weighed 9lbs 1oz and was 20 inches long.

my life is literally sleep-wake. i sleep up to fifteen hours, which i know cannot be good for you at all. my sleep schedule is really messed up &it’s taken a while to get it back so i’m sleeping at night finally, but now i’m tired during the day &i’m tempted to sleep all day but then i’m up all night. so when people are usually awake for 15-17 hours, i’m sleeping. &when they’re sleeping 7-9 hours, i’m awake. i looked up that chronic fatigue syndrome but i’m not sure what exactly is going on here. &it’s a recent thing to. i’ve always had weird sleep schedules, like staying up all night &sleeping until two in the afternoon but within the past couple months i’ve been wayyy more tired that usual. i think my best bet is going to the doctor to make sure nothing is wrong, and then mayyybe getting somethin help me sleep at the same time most other people do so. but yeah. i sleep too much.

last night i found myself suddenly crying over him &again this afternoon the waterworks started again all because i was looking at pitures of him. i don’t know what makes me this way over him. i’m not in love with him nor do i have any lust towards him. i know he doesn’t care. i know i’m only seen as someone for him to have sex with. i’m not sure i even really care for him all that much – just the thought of losing him devastates me, and when i think about how i have no control over anything between us i want to be the wicked witch and have water poured on me so i melt. he is the only one who makes me feel this way. &what makes it even more frustrating is how i have absolutely no idea what i feel.

my last pack. i really want to quit. i haven’t had a craving for one at all today, but that also could be from my medicine withdraw that i am currently experiencing. but i’m really focusing on quitting this time. &i hope i can do it.

i try not to cut but it feels just like trying to quit smoking. my mom said if she ever sees another self-inflicted wound on my body, she’ll kick me out. hooray for sweatshirts and cold weather. =/