self–es·teem noun \-ə-ˈstēm\
Definition of SELF-ESTEEM
: a confidence and satisfaction in oneself : self-respect
So I figured if I was going to ‘improve my self-esteem’ I was going to at least define “self-esteem”. So I did what I was like to do before making any informed decision.. and thoroughly inspected the internet for a trusted source of truth. Merriam-Webster is pretty reliable. So apparently self-esteem IS self-respect. Confidence. Being self-satisfied. It can even be skewed into conceit.. Do I really want more of that? Maybe self-esteem isn’t my issue. Maybe I just need to believe I am worthy, and not invest so much time in whether others agree or disagree. Their opinions of me aren’t definite, therefore, not reliable. Think about it.. are YOUR opinions of other people definite or written in stone? Do you believe your opinion of them is who they really are? Would they have any self-esteem if they relied on your opinion for it? The only reliable source of self-worth is essentially, myself.
If Im really trying to get my shit together, I should really acknowledge the insanity of waking at 2pm and going to bed at 4:30 am every. single. night. Working at night probably doesn’t help, and it goes in conjunction with another “Quit my Job” I have as number 10 on my list.. But I shouldn’t blame it entirely on work because I still have to be there for a couple more pay periods. If I plan on leaving the end of January, that’s.. 2 more paychecks. Jeez, really getting to down to the wire here. That’s another forum though.
Last night, I was on this site until 5am. And that’s entirely my fault, just kind of ironic. More like a paradox. On a goal setting site until the wee hours of the morning when one of your goals is to go to bed early. Odd. I got up at 2pm today.. how the eff am I gonna be able to sleep tonight at a decent time? I have some sort of plan.. If I get off work tonight at 10:30, I can do all my internet stuff and be off be in bed by 1 am. For me, that is an early night. Baby steps folks baby steps…
My sister told me that one needs 7 hours of sleep in order to feel refreshed. So I should set an alarm for 8am.. I have plenty of things I could do tomorrow. I never feel refreshed and ready to bounce at 2pm. I just feel like.. ugh.. 3 hours until I get ready for work. Which pretty much means I have stay home because you really cant get a lot done out in the world (Gym, Groceries, Doctor, Friends.. etc)with only 3 hours. I need a morning to do stuff before the afternoon! Wish me luck..
So its been a week, and I still have my job. Things are still going according to plan.. except for.. Well.. let me explain..
With my newly developed mentality that I’m going to be leaving soon, The Restaurant I used to have a crush on has turned its back on me. Ouch. I should really just not care and realize that this could help me achieve my goal. If I’m really trying to leave, I shouldn’t be upset that my sarcasm and apathy are being pointed out. But I am.. and its probably because I wanted to leave on a high note. Ya know, Its better to burn out then to fade away.. Im thinking to far into this. I should go in from now until the end of January smiling, polite, on-time, and ready to work. Its only 32 more days. 32 more days to do things right and leave missed instead of shunned.
Heres what I did to complete this and advice I will offer to all of you before you consider this as a goal..
1) Start a Model Mayhem account. Modelmayhem.com
2) Be willing to work for free to build up your portfolio. Lots of photographers will shoot you for free. If youre good looking, dont expect to get anywhere being a “6” or under. Modeling aint about showcasing your personality, its about selling clothes or sex. Get used to it. If you like the artistic side of it, you should have no problem shoting for free. But the money side of it.. Clothes/sex.
3) WOrk out, eat right, clear your skin up, even your skin tone, mosturize, network. Go shoot!!
Fun, addictive. Listening to and memorizing a song to sing right now..
So, Now that I have a budget set up on mint.com, (awesome frrikin site btw) I need to make a not of it elsewhere what my debt is because its all outside of my bank account #Dentist #Traffic ticket .. I think thats it? WOw! Im so close to being debt free, its crazy!!! Yeeess
Been doing a lot more spending and recieving on ebay recently then selling and shipping. I looked around my house, and I have MANY clothes that can go. SOme of them even for a decent price. Might even try platos closet with some of them because shipping could be expensive.. I will look into it. Should think about bringing clothes into the post office to see how much it costs.
I may even give up gym membership and shopping if I can seriously get into this. I just hate the gym.. maybe noy “hate” but its more of a chore then a hobby. I think a martial art would become a hobby for me. I also love that there is a mental part of it.. Discipline ya know? I need some. Im in the process of moving so hopefully I find an affordable dojo near by my new town.. Also,this is my first time attempting ANY instructed training classes.. so Im a little nervous. Horizon broadening, here I come!
You know I forgot.. Chocolate is made with milk.. milk is dairy. So is cheese. So this week, Im going to phase out of of Chocolate and cheese.. some of my favorite things. God bless America.
Now its just sticking to it. Equipped with online tracking and mobile alerts in sync with my bank account, it will be pretty hard not to! I have found this AMAZING site. There was a lovely female who posts here all the time who suggested.. Mint.com. A_fuhking_mazing!! It actually synced inw ith my bank account and showed my my spending trends for the last 3 months. I wa slike.. what?! Im actually not that bad off! I budgeted car insurance, shopping, groceries, gas, income down to the dollar! Its funny.. once I know what im doing and have a list of things to do to get to a projected outcome, I stick to it! This wont be nearly as hard I thought it would be now that I have my budget created. Thank you mint.com, I suggest to everyone here!!
I will keep you updated on how Im doing weekly because Im not perfect and have been known to lsip when unsupervised, so I can still use the support! Thanks guys.
I did some research. For what I want to do (Video/gmaing/webcam/downloading/file storage) a gaming laptop is my best choice. I dont want to be chincy about my new electronic friend. He/she will be.. The Sh*t. Ive decided on something from AlienWare because they are highly capable, fast, durable, and most important of all.. sexy. Im starting an entirely new budget for it, and if I want my Baby by March, I will have to save 400 a month. This is not “impossible” but things will be somewhat tight because of it.
So I havent written ..at all since making this post a week ago. Howeverrrrr, Ive been having a lot of unusually brilliant mind chatter, text message logs, and online posts like this to keep track of my thoughts. Getting that much closer to keeping a physical account of things. Tomorrow perhaps I will put pen to paper.. we shall see!!
So this week.. has not moved me anywhere. Last time I checked, I wieghed 145, and I have been pigging OUT during the Holidays.. ( pizza, beer, chocolate..etc.) so Im scared to go check because I probably gained a pound or 2. I get in this mentality of.. Complacency when I feel that Ive failed. Some people find it motivating to see that their numbers arent right and do everything they can to take those extra pounds off. Or maybe I just made these
people up in my head, and everyone feels like I do after a week of binging.. like they want to binge more and give up. This shouldnt be my life! Something has to change upstairs in order for this to happen for me. Theres a couple times during the day that I really become a slave to food: 1.In the morning 2.Right before work 3.Right after work 4.Before bed. If I could get a handle on these times, even if its only one moment at a time, I belive my habits would be corrected over time. I forget that patience is a virtue. Lasting improvements are made mostly over time.. So tomorrow, Ill start by having a reasonable breakfast (Bowl of Oatmeal, piece of fruit, juice/water/coffee) and actually waiting a couple hours to have lunch. Wish me luck!!
Just gotta sell some sh*t, get more jobs, budget for it, fnd the right one, stop buying junk and save up. Wish me luck. Shoudld have one by Febuary. Can I get an amen??
A friend of the family told me this, and it has proven to be true..
“Money isn’t the key to happiness, it’s independence.”
And its true, with money you don’t have to rely on other people as much. Your car’s broke, you fix it. Your rent’s due, you pay it. You want to take your friend out to dinner, you offer to pay! These are all things I want to be able to do. But I have to do other things first.. 1) Figure out monthly income 2) figure out monthly expenses 3) Prioritize financial goals. I want to save money so I have a cushion to fall back on when I move out of my parents in the next couple months. I want to pick up more work, and spend less on garbage like fast food and ebay! Wish me luck.. Ty :)
Its a combination of everything I want to be…
I am 20 years old
6 feet 1 inches tall
ride my bke 5 miles a day
have practiced yoga
havent formally trained for anything since elemntary school gymnastics
have an insane amount of passion
.. think I have a shot?? Here we go!
I can honestly say keeping a diary was the one of the helpful rewarding things I did when my life was otherwise plain and predictable. Just by the simple act of writing down how your day was, youre doing so many other things! Youre clearing your head. Youre improving your memory. Your literally sketching out your future!!! Thats what I did and uess what .. IT WORKED. But when everything was going well and I found the love and adventure I was always wanted, I stopped. And so did my persoanl development. I still lvoe to write, but blogging is not for me. Actually WRITING down your thoughts and keeping them in tangiable form is very rewarding.. Keeping a diary is the way to go, bro.
I Have pretry much done this all except for coffee creamer and cheese.. Shouldnt be hard. Gonna try to cut out just all around crap, too like.. candy, chocolate and desert sweets.. once I get those uncessary sugars out of the way, I will focus on cutting out bread.
Lets shoot for 5 pairs of pants, and 5 shirt/bloses By the end of January.. maybe some shoes. Etc.
1) Traffic ticket 250 (300 w/school probably)
2) Dentist 90
3) Jontaylor 40
Grandma 100 for housing me
Dad 100 for housing me
David 100 for housing me