I'm doing 9 things

vickifive's Life List

  1. 1. Learn Japanese
    2 entries . 1 cheer
    10,808 people
  2. 2. beat social anxiety
    2 entries . 5 cheers
    485 people
  3. 3. maintain great friendships
    2 entries . 1 cheer
    136 people
  4. 4. go to the gym
    3 entries
    697 people
  5. 5. eat healthy
    2 entries
    3,752 people
  6. 6. Make all my lesson plans for the semester
    1 person
  7. 7. manage my time better
    1,497 people
  8. 8. go to Greece
    1,133 people
  9. 9. Save money
    16,486 people
Recent entries
beat social anxiety (read all 2 entries…)

I’m a teacher work at six different school, so I don’t feel like a real member of any of them. That’s what makes Monday morning so difficult. I always want to do a good job, but even if I am completely prepared for class, if I walk in detached, the lesson goes awful.
Everyone tells me, oh you seem tired. I seem like someone who doesn’t adequately prepare, and sleep, and take their job seriously. But its not that at all. Its just the social anxiety. I feel alienated, detached, like everybody secretly hates me, especially the children. Well, the children react to me based on my mood. Its a horrible trap. Even though I know its all in my head, I just can’t shake the mood.
I have some mild anti-anxiety pills, but I really don’t want to be a pill-pusher. I know that they won’t solve the problem. I try relaxing, breathing, talking to myself. It’s a mess. Its rainy and miserable and I hate days like this. I try my best, and venting helps, sometimes I worry it will go on like this forever. Then I worry I worry too much. I just can’t escape myself.

Go to the gym (read all 3 entries…)

I didn’t go at all this week. I feel disappointed.

eat healthy (read all 2 entries…)

ugh! I had a whole day of sitting around watching star wars and eating junk! Me and my boyfriend both go to the gym, both whole heartily support each other in the goal of being healthy, but we are a bad influence on each other!! We just watch movies and eat, its terrible! I have to try harder, and really believe in this goal.

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