vision70

I have been sepparated for 2 and a half years after a 17year relationship with my ex husband. He has a way of making me feel so much love (for him) whilst Im left feeling inadequate about myself. Ive mooved interstate in a desperate attempt to get on with my life as he had mad it clear on many occasion that he did not want me. He has many beautiful women that he sleeps with but is not in a relationship.At christmas we met to exchange our son for the holidays and when I saw him so many sad feelings of loss came to the surface for me….. I miss him so much, I ach for him… I cried and he held me but it was obvious he had some where else to be his phone is always texting or ringing (many girls want to be with him and they a fair younger and prettier than I am… he has a greatly respected poision in his work and women seem to be attracted to this and they throw themselves at him) and I know that he would never come back as this EGO feeder is making him feel so good about himself which is great to see but it hurts as I know we will never be together again. We talked the next day for 7 hours and he made it clear that he would always love me but he didnt love me enough to make us work. In my heart I know that he wouldnt want to give up all the women but I try not to think about that as it does my head in. My goal is to concentrate on becoming fulfilled within myself and continuing to be the best mother and role model to my son as I can be and to develope a STRENGTH within myself to know that I am an amasing human being that has so much to offer the world. To feel complete within me on my own, to love myself and stop looking for reasorance from others to make myself feel adequate. Welcome 2010 my time for healing and letting go so I to can find what it is that truly makes me HAPPY and complete.