Having so much trouble. When I came back to my PhD after a year on leave, I thought I could just suck it up and do it as quickly as possible, regardless of whether or not I actually feel any passion for my work. This sort of worked for the first few months, but it appears to be not enough to sustain me.
I feel so awful. I don’t know how I’m ever going to accomplish this goal. I won’t quit though, that’s one thing I know for sure now that I’ve come back. I am going to keep going. Because I had the choice to not come back, and I decided to come back, and so I am going to stick with it.
Sep 27, 10:03PM PDT | 1 comment
I need to focus on why I am trying to do this. I did not elevate at the last hon eza, and I think it was because I was looking at spiritual elevation too much as a goal, something I need to achieve (as you can see, by the fact that this is the #1 goal on my list), rather than truly wanting to help others through elevation. I need to reflect and see how I can change my thinking and my heart to be more in line with Sooya-sama’s, Ryodoji-sama’s and the Buddha’s, and how to really be practicing for the sake of others, not for myself.
I don’t know how to do this. I’ve been pondering how to do this since I failed to elevate at the last eza.
Sep 27, 09:59PM PDT | 0 comments
After I stopped lessons and just started improvising and playing by ear and using fakebooks, my sight reading skills went downhill. I want to be able to sight read very quickly and fluently on the piano. Gonna write my reasons here, to keep motivation up. I want to do this so that playing unknown music is more enjoyable and I have a wider variety of music to amuse myself with. I want to do this so that I am more useful to others when people need a pianist. And…hm. Think that’s about it.
Sep 25, 10:21AM PDT | 0 comments
I'm doing 37 things
