waffler

I keep forgetting why I want to do this. When I think about losing weight, I usually go, eh, I’m not that fat, I don’t really need to do it.

So again, let’s remind myself:

1. Easier to sit in meditation position: a) when meditating, my legs won’t hurt as much, b) don’t have to carry around little stool to the temple to meditate, c) most importantly, I won’t have to keep shifting and then lose my concentration. Think how wonderful that would be! Think of how much my legs hurt now! Imagine when that’s gone! Imagine how much less self-conscious I will be when meditating if I don’t keep switching positions, and trying not to bump into my neighbor as I’m switching!
2. Be able to wear whatever clothes and style of clothes I want
3. Shopping for clothes is easier, will more easily find clothes my size, and hence, spend less time/money shopping for clothes!
4. Look better in whatever I wear, hence saving time when dressing in the morning!
5. Look better in photos. Never know when there’s an event where I might wanna look good. Better lose weight now, rather than try to lose 10 pound in a week.

Okay, Sandra. Next time you don’t know why you should lose weight, imagine your legs hurting when you meditate! Imagine wearing any clothes you want!

Having so much trouble. When I came back to my PhD after a year on leave, I thought I could just suck it up and do it as quickly as possible, regardless of whether or not I actually feel any passion for my work. This sort of worked for the first few months, but it appears to be not enough to sustain me.

I feel so awful. I don’t know how I’m ever going to accomplish this goal. I won’t quit though, that’s one thing I know for sure now that I’ve come back. I am going to keep going. Because I had the choice to not come back, and I decided to come back, and so I am going to stick with it.

I need to focus on why I am trying to do this. I did not elevate at the last hon eza, and I think it was because I was looking at spiritual elevation too much as a goal, something I need to achieve (as you can see, by the fact that this is the #1 goal on my list), rather than truly wanting to help others through elevation. I need to reflect and see how I can change my thinking and my heart to be more in line with Sooya-sama’s, Ryodoji-sama’s and the Buddha’s, and how to really be practicing for the sake of others, not for myself.

I don’t know how to do this. I’ve been pondering how to do this since I failed to elevate at the last eza.