warriormama

My husband turned 50 and 8 days later suggested we get a divorce. After talking with him in more detail, it doesn’t seem like he thought the divorce thing through but he has been constantly irritated with me whenever he is at home. It finally occurred to me that he’s been depressed for a while and that is why he’s been so critical of everything I do. I am am the same person, no, better, than I was when he married me. We’ve always worked through challenges pretty well in the past. We are not a high drama couple at all and I’ve always felt fortunate when comparing our relationship to my girlfriend’s marriages. He’s been bickering about nitpicky stuff and as soon as I address one area he ignores the improvement and starts complaining about something else. I gave him some articles on male depression and we’ve started counseling together. He’s been there for me when I was dealing with depression and I am honored to do the same for him. I’ve set some boundaries though. I cannot support him at the expense of my own self love and dignity. He was visibly surprised by my confidence in my own self worth. I just don’t buy it that all of a sudden I am this horrible wife. Things started to go downhill for us when he took an out of state job several months ago. But, he seems to be making an effort to be less critical. He says that he is committed to working things out and I hope that he means it. It wouldn’t be the first time a guy gives up on marriage because of a midlife crisis. He’s been dealing with serious job stress and my being laid off just upped the ante. More pressure on him to be the breadwinner. But we are financially prepared to deal with further income loss if it comes to that. So many guys are dealing with depression because of the economy and job stress. Here’s the weird thing – our intimacy is hotter than ever. Whats up with that? Another woman in the picture? I don’t know. I think it would be better if we abstained for the time being and we have been trying to. Its just hard. I’ll try harder. I’ve reached out to several of our friends and family for support with our marriage. I had a long talk with his best friend, who says that my husband is definitely committed to the marriage but also had some advice for us about what to work on. Everyone has been there for us so far.

I’ve been wearing more dresses, getting the nails done, massages, waxing, etc. I’ve banned a few frumpy pieces after seeing myself in them in photos. I was taking shots of myself from all angles every morning in my outfit for the day, and changing outfits it if I didn’t like the digital images. Gotta love instant gratification. I was a little obsessive the first couple days, changing outfits numerous times, and then began to see a pattern of what was working and what wasn’t. Flat shoes are not my friend. I have a waist now thanks to progress on my fitness goals, and that has made it much easier to look nice. So, the optical illusions to make myself look slimmer are less of a priority now. My priorities are looking feminine and pulled together, showing off the titties when appropriate, and emphasizing the skinny part of my waist while still covering the tummy bulge.

I put a hold on my membership for three months because work was crazy and I realized that it was not realistic for me to get to my tkd classes. I made the commitment to return on July 1 and that is just what I did. I’ve been going regularly since then, 2 classes a week on average, except for a week when I had strep throat.