watevanis

I feel like maybe I’m repeating the same goals over and over again. But really, I have a ot of dysfunctional issues and I need to learn to deal with it. I love writing, but that doesnt necessarily mean that now because I have a creative vice that all my problems will be solved. I just don’t know how to make them go away, I need to deal with them, work with them so eventually they’ll get bored of me and run off on their own. I dont know if this is even realistic but I’m putting down as a goal anyway…

Life is shit. A bundle of shit. But really, I don’t know why I even doubted this. The point is even if it is shitty you have to deal with it regardless…which sucks, but I’m willing, I’ve got nothing else better to do.
Just at the moment, it seems nothing is going right:
My parents and their crazy love/hate thing divorce/dating thing is really weird and making me quite confused.
My mother hates me. No really…unconditional love is a fat joke.
My friends that seem not to really care about anything but partying and not about real life issues. not that they should care, we’re only fifteen but i’ve always cared and the fact that I feel that I can’t call them at night if I’ve had a bad day, or have shoulders to cry on makes me quite sad for my generation. and myself.
Both of my sisters are leaving me…again. And tehy have a bundle of issues and all their friends have bundles of issues and it seems non matter how old you are (seeing as they’re all 20+) life is shit, probably even shitter than a fifteen year olds. and that thought is scary.
I don’t have anything close to a relationship, seeing as the guy I liked doesn’t like me what so ever.
School starts tomorrow. Another term of shit and stupid teenage drama and mindless work that I have to do and blah blah.

This, I know, is just me ranting and raving and in the greater scheme of things it doesn’t even matter that all this is happening because it’s not like I won’t get out of the house, go to university, get new friends, get numerous boyfriends, see my sister again…It just sucks right now. I have to live in the present right? and rigt now the present is filled with issues I realy don’t want to have to deal with…but I have to. To get to the future. And the future is looking bright. Ish.

I’ve been against the whole concept of love for my whole entire life, and now I think I’m finally willing to let myself fall in love one day. Even if it doesn’t work out I think I realise that that’s just life…tough. I’m willing to fall in love, A LOT. Because all you need is love, right?