watever_bitch

somedays i feel to god dam depressed and this affects my weight. really it does some sometime i would starve myself and just eat a bowel of salad and tons of water.

i’ve been having this depression thing since at the age of 14. and i still have it. sometime i just get it because i feel so alone. i’m alone at school, eat lunch alone work alone. and that really gets miserable.

i guess it because i always blame myself for not being perfect or like having the worst grades. BUT that rubbish, i blame myself because i have guilt.

i feel i have so much guilt and that all the blame is from me, coz i feel if i didn’t have made that mistake nothing would go wrong. it started around mid nov, i lost one of my friends language certs- that said congrats on completing this lang course. and she stuff that cert in my locker and i told her to take it back and she said- nah leave it, ok so one day i was clearing my locker and i accident left the certs on top of the locker and she asked her it back. OK she get really mad coz my friend and my other friends who r on her side blame me for not keeping the cert safe in my locker.

Her friend bloody shouted at me if i’m that STUPID. i mean COME ON, i asked her if she wanted her certs back and she said NO. and after that i was left with depression blaming myself if i didn’t lose it, nothing of this happened. i was left alone with no friends, just me and my world.

Its my last year to do IB!!! ITS HELL!!! i only have 5 months left and rite now i’m really worried about my business. II”M FAILING, business :( and to my surprise i’m getting gd grades for my math, and i’m that great in math so yeah.

Ib is the worst course I’ve taken in the life, although it does get you into good uni’s .

And drama, drama is taking so much of my time! and i have soo much homework to do!!! ><”“

i really hate it when people walk over me, but on the others hand its earlier to let people me. And i am a pleaser, i do just to make friends

BUt i need to stop this, it just making me angrier and painful inside, i know i can stand up for myself, i did it before :). But the thing is when is stand up for myself nothing is coming out of my mouth. When i’m at home i feel like a total bitch coz i stand up for myself and of course i feel save at home, its my shelter!!

all i need to courage and lots of confidence to face them, there these 3 ppl who really give me a hard time not to mansion my really close friend is with them, she really has a lot of friends.
my school HAS sooo much drama it crazy.

i don’t have any friends, i do but not a lot and i don’t hang with them. ok so it happened again in mandarin class, we were reading this passage this person name ‘Angel’ (fucking cut face) said something that i’ll feel happier if i live by yourself without your parents and you’ll have 10 hours eating with ur family. and everybody was like WTF. and i was like, who the hell eats 10 hours with their family, i don’t eat 10 hours with my family. and the fucking bitch face was like ‘well you don’t have a family haha…’
i was fucking pissed off dude i was about to punch her in the face, i could stand up for myself, but it was during lesson time. and the thing is i never talk to them. who do they think they are. and yeah the ANGLE person spreads shit about me, and they don’t even not me.
they only know one side of me.

i really need to stand up, but the thing is i really don’t need to care about them because in the future its not like i’m gonna see them. and for ppl who are struggling keep this quote in ur head and say it to your self ” Fuck them all’ and when i read others issues i feel the same way. and sometimes I need to be a bitch, to stand up for yourself.And also you know yourself better then other ppl.

i’m still struggling, but i hope i can get through this!!

need CONFIDENCE