wendelle

I’d be incredibly bored. Surprising myself is part of what keeps life interesting! There’s never really been a thing in my life that hasn’t changed.

So, I’ve realized there isn’t a good reason for me to pursue this goal… I’ll find the answers as I go along. If I ever figured out who I was, really – if I ever stopped changing… well, it’s kind of hard to imagine; it really isn’t in me.

Treating this as a finite goal really doesn’t make sense to me… I’m giving up on this external goal, because I can never give up in my head. And if I do—there’ll be bigger problems than self-discovery going on!

I’ve kept journals on and off for the past four years… I just read through about six months’ worth of writing this morning, and it just about broke my heart (they were not a particularly happy six months!). It’s really amazing – and humbling – to look back, get into the old me’s head a bit and realize how far I’ve come since then.

Really, it’s just amazing. And without journaling I would have forgotten what it felt like to live through those things and be in those mindsets – I would have forgotten that part of my life as the memories faded and drifted back in my mind. I am who I am now because of what happened back then – forgetting my beginnings is kinda contradictory to that. So, I’m really glad I did it – and I’ll keep on. I don’t want to forget any of this.

This is honestly what defines my year and my self as a writer. An hour and a half ago I found my plot – or a possible one – sitting in some ideas I’d been ignoring for a while. I even have a title! (It was one of those frying-pan-to-the-face moments; I was staring at it blankly when the idea flew up and hit me.)

So here I am, all excited again. The forums look like they’ll be fast and fun again this year; everyone is hyped; in my other writing circles, EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT IT – enough to make fun of it! Very cool improvement from last year when nobody had a clue what it was.

I’m already looking forward to the junk food, iced wrists and evening meetings of commiseration and shared chocolate.