whitesapphire

When I moved into my new house, my stepmother found my Grandmother’s old sewing machine and got it fixed and gave it to me for a house warming gift.

After being taught by Dominic how to thread the machine propery as the manual was missing and is apparently different from new machines, I preceeded to hem all the curtains in the house except the bathroom one, and hemmed some pants for my boyfriend. I can successfully saw that I have learned the beginning stages of learning how to sew.

I havn’t taken on many projects recently, but have many plans to do so when I have more time to spend honing in on my skills. I am very proud of myself.

Here’s the update:

That song that he was writing for me, he was actually writing for someone else. I am okay with this because those two make way more sense then him and I did. But I was inspiring to him, he even said it. I inspired him to find his partner in crime. Good for them. At least I feel satisfied in inspiring someone.

So I’ve fallen in and out of love many times before and I fear that my one true love is not the one I am currently in love with. I’m not even sure if I’m in love with him or the idea of him.

I’m still convinced that I am going to marry Noah someday. Then why am I in love with Will?

It’s simple, Noah just isn’t ready yet. Sigh, someday.

So I had to take out a loan to get a new car. I’m still looking for one within my price range. I had to sink another 500 dollars into my current car to get it out of the tow lot. I had unpaid parking tickets that they caught me for. Oh well, just a minor set back in my personal revolution.

New car, here I’, coming to get you!

So, I was talking with my brother and we both decided that we need a complete change of scenery, as things often find their way to monotonous routines. I said I wanted to go to Oregon to explore the coastline and check out Ashburn.

He wants to move to Vancouver be as far removed from Brooklyn as possible. I said I would definitely come to visit as long as we could go see the Northern Lights. He forgot that they even existed. It’s a tentative plan, but he seems pretty serious about making his change as I am about mine.

We’ll see how things end up. We’re both planning on making out more after the new year.

So, I believe that I’m on my way to being an inspiration to someone.

As he puts it, I’m his level headed, patient, crazy girl with a job, a car and a soothing soul. He’s in the process of writing a song for me I think because he always plays this one tune that I always say that I like. It has no words yet that he has sung for me, but a work in progress.

I think I may be the inspiration he was looking for. At the very least, I put a smile on his face and that puts one on mine.

So, a bunch of months ago, I bought a little black book with a red binding from Group W Bench in New Haven. It sat in my room for a little while. About 4 months ago I started carrying it around with me in my purse, until one day I realised that I need some paper to joy some directions down. That’s where it all started. From there on out, I barely ever leave home without it, more so because I havesome deep shit written in there now. My thoughts, some directions, some phone numbers, budgeting plans, scetches, poems, lists, lyrics. Everything that I’ve needed to write down. It’s great. It’s sort of like a life journal, but not. It’s not really in order, but I know where things are in there when I need to reference them. It was a great decision to purchase this little black book.

I still haven’t got my tat yet, but the plans are in the works. I’ve been talking with my roomates best friend who is a tat artist and he has agreed to design and ink me. Now it’s just a matter of finding the funds to cover the costs.

I’ve changed my ideas around somewhat, but I still have yet to see the scetches Colin has for me. I’m getting excited and we’ll hopefully have this completed by the end of the summer.

I have achieved my goal for myself to be inspired by something and that something was actually a someone. I hope that I can do the same for him and be inspiring to him as well. So far so good, but not yet determined an achieved goal.

I do have a slight correction. I wasn’t inspired by something, but someone. When I wasn’t even looking for it, the love of my life walked right into my life. I knew instantly that we were meant to be together whether it be for now or forever. I’ve learned more about myself with him in the last 3 weeks then I have about myself in the last 3 years. I’m incredibly inspired by him and I hope that I can be as inspiring to him. Only time will tell. I’m so releived.

I’ve already been taught in one session with my father last summer. He said it was impossible to stall out his car. However, I stalled it at least a dozen times before he had enough. He was teaching me the mechanics of how everything works as I was doing it, so I think that might have been a little distracting for me.

I’ve asked my friend Nick to show me again this summer, so hopefully I will know how after that. He said that he’s taught many people before successfully. I’m fairly confident that in combination with what I already know and a fresh way of looking at things, I will be able to drive standard once and forever.

It always takes me some time to work out what I want to have permanently in my skin. I have some solid ideas now. I’m thinking about getting a blue bird carrying some type of branch in it’s beak. Sort of like the Dove and Olive branch from the Bible, but with my own twist to it. As I am not a very religious person in the sense that I don’t believe everything in the Bible.

A blue bird carrying a branch/flower symbolizes goals that are within reach. Solid ground to walk on. I’m definite about the blue bird because of some lyrics:

“It’s been raining that Tennessee honey so long I got to heavy to fly,
But ain’t no blue bird ever get to heavy to sing.”

I think that’s a beautiful message even though it’s not grammatically correct. But hey, they’re lyrics and I’m not getting the words on my skin.

As for the branch/flower, I’m still trying to work that out.

I have one planned for the last two weeks in August. My friend and I are planning to drive to Kansas to visit one of our friends that moved out there. Along the way, we plan to see Virginia, South Carolina and Tennessee. Plus everything else in between. I’m really excited.

I don’t know that I will ever be completely alright with myself. However, I have made some great improvements I think.

I have realized that I look good for who I am, all I needed to do was start walking instead of driving ever where to drop those few pounds I wanted to lose. I’m eating better and feel a million times better then before. I’m not as tired in the morning because I cut down on how much coffee I was drinking.

I’m still a little self conscious about a lot of things and I still have a hard time accepting compliments. But I still have some thing to work on.

I’ve found that if I smile at someone, they usually smile too, even if there were no words exchanged.

I’ve learned that smiling really isn’t that hard even when things seem hard at the time.

Finding the beauty in something sad or unpleasant usually helps. There’s beauty in everything, everywhere.

I got a job a block away from my apartment. I love it and everyone that I work with and I also love the fact that I don’t have to drive there. It’s only part time, but a little extra spending cash it always good. Plus I get a discount on organic groceries and free food when I’m working. Yay! It’s nice to have new things to learn and new things to talk about.

I found him, but only after subtle hints that I was still curiously looking for him. I finally made some contact after mentioning eating chocolate cake to him. I guess food is the key to his heart. Now I just feel silly that I didn’t think of that earlier.

Iowa
Connecticut
Virginia