wonderpeas

preeettyy self-explanatory, this goal .

preeettyy rare too .

so i was basically in love with this guy, for like two years
the first time i saw him i had no idea who he was
you never do though i guess
i’ve dissected this encounter many times in my head and in my diary
i think it would be easier to write it out in play form
here goes.

-cut to a friend’s wake -

christine walks in with her mom

they walks over to late friend’s mom

condolences are given, hugs are exchanged

moms start telling stories about friend

christine does not want to hear them for fear of breaking down

christine goes over to the other room where friend’s body is in his coffin

christine cannot look at friend

christine looks everywhere but friend

christine’s eyes land on a boy

said boy is crying

mandy moore’s “cry” plays in christine’s head for some reason

christine wants to hold said boy

christine looks at friend without thinking

(the boy was struck out of my head after i saw my friend. of course.)

anyway.
so i realized that i fell in love with that stranger
i didn’t know who he was or anything about him until i got to high school, only a few months later
i found out he was two years older than me
well.
i started talking to him,
i became friends with him
we became pretty close friends actually, recently
forgot about my feelings for a bit to be honest
don’t get me wrong
there was still a spot in my heart reserved for him

a few weeks ago we were talking online and eventually his persistent questioning elicited my long-hoarded feelings for him
my brain told my naive heart that it wouldn’t change anything between us
i really didn’t want a relationship with him or anything
i’m not sure why but i think the fact that my feelings had lasted two years, it kind of made me not want anything with him
it was the kind of love that i wanted him to be happy and i wanted us to be close
i’m not sure
haha.
anyway
so it did change things
for the worse
of course
we are in the 21st century

we’re not close
we don’t talk anymore
and i miss my friend
that spot in my heart is still there
it’s a bit emptier though

i’m not saying it’ll happen to everyone
you know, sometimes life could be like movies in that way and you could get exactly what you want or need or more
but it didn’t happen to me

aand somehow… i still tagged this “worth doing”
because it’s just something that everyone should do
even if it doesn’t get the results in mind
doing this is ..brave
and if people said what they were feeling no one would have to guess anything and i don’t know

i think telling someone how you honestly feel
could apply to other feelings than love as well

tell someone when you’re angry with them
don’t hold it all inside
not just because it’s bad
it’ll just be better to let it out right then and there
otherwise one day you’re going to have a huge fight and everything that annoys you about that person is going to come out
it’ll be like you were holding all this ammunition and waiting for a war to start so you could unleash it on the enemy

tell someone when you’re upset with them
same reason as above
if waterworks start
ah well.
there was bound to be a leak in the pipe sometime

AND MOST OF ALL.
tell someone when you love them

i never told friend how much i loved him
wonderful awesome friend
it’s too late now
and i miss him
so so so much

i think this one is the most crucial one
don’t worry about anything in that moment
just say like “hey, i really love you”
it really could make a difference

okay
storytime over.

wouldn’t you love to go to school or work and hear that?
and then go to pick it up
and find out that it’s a gift
maybe not something you would ever give to yourself
like a box of brownies
or a gift card to a place you secretly love

or maybe to discover that, something you’ve been too busy to do, such as cleaning your car or picking something up, has been done for you
not to be condescending, but to be nice

a lot of my friends and family are stressed, overworked, and very tired
i want to start doing this for those people because it’s just something they need and maybe subconsciously want
i think it could inspire good feelings and encouragement and appreciation