x43xxx

However my underlying vulnerability to get so low so quickly isn’t solved.

I did one online, I’m 24.something so I guess I can mark this done

Not sure how I can improve this.

I would say yes and no. I want to protect myself but it has gotten to the point where I feel like I have less to lose. I would say that it is true of the past but not as much now but then again, more in terms of he added pain of feeling older and more alienated. I used to really care about everything and felt like everything mattered so much and now I don’t care about much and feel like less matters. There is something stopping me and however much I don’t want it to be true, it is fear of failure or the pain from doing the wrong thing or making the wrong choice and making things worse.

Mainly angry confused and like everything is pointless which it is for me. I know it isn’t real depression but it is me being disappointed and trying not to let myself jeopardize what I have achieved lately.

My problem is that I don’t mind being alone most of the time but then I think I’m wasting my life because relationships with other people are what life is about. I need my own space but I want to be part of a group or community too.

It hurt my spine and my knees, everything felt like it was jarring. Maybe some people aren’t designed to run. Now I’m a bit lighter I would like to try again.

However I feel like they are unbalanced. The muscle at the front of thighs sticks out loads but the rest aren’t very visible.

where it is fairly easy to be healthy. I want people to think of me as a decent and mature human being. I want to feel like I belong somewhere.

So surprised considering what I’ve been eating lately. Been doing quite a lot of exercise though.

But I’m there now so I’ll mark it completed.

Because I’m not going to make it but I have lost a lot of weight so far so I’m not too disheartened.

.

Getting exercise everyday, eating under 1200 cals am losing weight but I doubt I’ll make the target. Have 6 and a half pounds to go in 15 days. I know it does sound do-able but I lose weight slowly and the max I seem to lose is a pound every four days. I would love to make this target and I’m doing all I can it is just up to my body now. Whatever happens hopefully I’ll be near it and then I am going to carry on and try and get down to 140 pounds.

10 pounds to go. Impossible? maybe but I am really stepping it up and I have a plan.

Still a long way to go but I am better, earlier in the year everything just seemed so pointless and like I was swamped in never-ending problems.

I’ve donated a lot over the last couple of years but selling takes more work and something I am hopefully going to get stuck into soon.

so she takes things way too seriously sometimes.

It may be I’m less stressed or just fitter now.

Maybe I was right to abandon it. I can’t make myself pick up a pencil or paint or whatever but maybe that’s because I’m not in the right environment.