xXDarkest_FairyXx

i dont think ill ever stop cutting.life just gets more and more hopeless everytime i turn around.whats the point id be better off dead.no one would miss me especialy not my uncle i cant even count how many times after hes done abusing me that hell tell me to die and go to hell where i belgong and hes probab;ly right i probably do belong in hell

basicly i stoped eating for months.my best friend whos like a brother to me tried to get me to eat but i hardly did.i lost so much wierght i was unable to walk i was hospitalized and wasnt released till i got abve fifty pounds…ive been released..but im still having difficultiesforcing myself to eat.every cumb that goes into my mouth i feel guilty about.right now im taking highschool classes online.most days i wake up scared.most nights i cry to sleep and i know i cant go on like this.im afraid to eat.im afraid to go on.i dont feel like theres any hope.im recovering but even the littlest things liek seeing some skinny kid bigger than me or seeing models or going on pro ana sites or sellign food or watching tv makes me want to starve myslef again and its realy hard to keep my self from doing so realy only my brother(realy close friend)have kept me from starving again he wont let me..not sure im grateful or not…
unfortunatly im kinda in the hospital now…...our hospital here offers a care where a nurse stays at the home and is pprovided with whatever equipment nessary.at the moment im on life support medication and all sorts of junk.i cant hardly move to weak to sit up on my own…basicly what happened was i wasnt eating i was throwing up and cutting myself and i went to far. now im dying my bf is scared to death and i still cant seem to stop myslef from trying to hurt myself.maybe i realy do belong in a mental hospital..or maybe i belong dead like my uncle always says

well im not in the hospital but i have a nurse lent to me by the hospital who lives with me at the moment and im hooked up to a bunch of machines so might as well be in the hospital….IM SO STUPID
im just a 14 year old girl and i cant count how many times ive been in a hospital