xxhatefoodxx

my boyfriends going to get his first tatoo this month haha he wants me there to hold his hand…its like a big tiger on his chest i think. cool.cant wait til i can get tats. back, butt, boob, stomach, ankle…so on

i had a strange dream that i had a baby daughter but i forgot her name and i was protecting her from a fire near the house we were in then i asked my grandparents what her name was and they said….amber nile…and this name is totally random ive pulled it from nowhere but it feels like it means something..im gonna remmber that name.

im B/p 3-4 times a day im spending around $50 a week on binge food alone. my boyfriend of almost 3 monthes has no idea. i think the way to overcome this is to move out of home and live with my boyfriend ive almost finished school than i plan to work full time to save up some money. i feel so compelled by this disorder its like whenever im bingeing i accually stop thinking i just have to concentrate on the food im eating and let my mind drift..no worrying …making plans.. freaking out. my body is suffering and i know im closer to death than most of my friends. the drugs and bulimia are killing me. im munderweight and i want this..but i hate it so much. im just falling through the days…im looking for that great escape.

if i wasent bulimic

drugs would work better
i wouldnt steal money and food off my parents
i wouldnt starve myself
i would eat like evryone else
i would eat out
id have more time for me and others
id have more money
i wouldnt be as cold all the time
i will be healthy
i will be happy

i can have this. i deserve this. everyone does.