Shaun

Hey guys.

Been quite a while since I logged onto here and posted some of my feelings. And for that I apologize. More so to myself. Things weren’t so bad, not great, but not so bad. I had the same job for almost 5 years. Got a new job, and it’s more money, and with the economy the way it is right now, I feel blessed. Unfortunately, it’s about 10 times as stressful as my previous job.

With a brand new, more stressful job, I am finding myself not dealing with it very well at all. My drinking has gone up about 400%. This of course, takes its toll on the body and the soul. I feel weak, more weak by the day, which only invites more drinking, as this is the only way I have known to deal with the added stress.

This sucks. I feel as if im in a downward spiral, and everything that happens every day, and THE WAY I REACT TO IT, brings me further down.

I realise, that this needs to stop, but its. Yeah.

I should be happy. A lot of people are losing their jobs amidst this economic meltdown, and yet, I got a raise. But im not. This new job is 1000% more stressful, and Im not dealing with it the correct way. Which should be, making sure I take care of myself, getting plenty of sleep, eating right, etc..

I really, for the first time in my life, feel like im losing control.

And this is scaring me.

9 beers in 14 days.

For me, thats insane.

Let me tell you, I feel GREAT. I have done more in the last two weeks than I have prolly done in the last 3 years.

The coolest part about it, is I like waking up at 6am, wide awake, ready to tackle the world, and see how much money I can make, see how many of my old bills I can pay off. See how many of my old wrongs I can make right.

I actually find myself living to fix things, be them my old screw ups, or things I just feel the need to fix.

ALL I CAN SAY, IS THAT I FEEL THE DIRECTION OF MY LIFE HAS TAKEN A COMPLETE 180.

Just amazing.

I am still enjoying my few drinks, but that is just what they are now…a few drinks.

I cant…CANT…wake up tomorrow, and tell myself that “I drank too much, I cant build on my business, Im too weak, I need rest…blah…blah…blah…”

Thats loser shit. Seriously, wake up and fight, make a living and a life for yourself.

There’s no “I drank too much, so I get to just SIT AROUND”.

WTF?!

Get up off your ass, and get going, this is the only life you have.

Seriously. GO. NOW.

All I can say is, I Hope God Is Answering Our Prayers Through All This.

Life is what it is, and everyone makes mistakes. Lets all forgive each other, move on, and make better lives for each other.

Yes, I may not be done drinking completely, but we dont have to be done to understand how to deal with each other, and this terrible thing.

Thanks to all who post regularly, and thumbs up to all who continually prove themsevles, not just by posting, but by giving hope to the rest of us. I think together, we CAN AND WILL BEAT THIS THING.

I sincerely think that we, as people with problems with alcohol, are prolly the most real people in the world because we feel the pain of the world, and dont just ignore it.

For some of us, this may not end. But let us move forward, and forgive the trespass that others have done upon us.

Much love,
Shaun