yorkistrose

51. old friendships
52. reliable cars
53. getting down on the floor and playing with the dogs
54. going to the theatre
55. phone calls from out of the blue
56. rearranging the furniture
57. finishing a book
58. new clothes
59. buffet brunches
60. slot machines that hit
61. the beach
62. looking at old pictures
63. home grown tomatoes
64. rollercoasters
65. ski ball
66. scavenger hunts
67. my parents’ voices
68. being told I am my niece’s favorite aunt
69. high threadcount sheets
70. watching the birds come to the feeders in winter
71. clean rivers with rope swings
72. water skiing
73. clear skin
74. orange cheese sauce
75. art galleries

For the last two years, life’s been anything BUT fun. Finally it got so awful I had to see someone and yes, since my mom will never see this, I can admit… I started on an antidepressant.

Who knew how good I could feel? How my skin wouldn’t feel so thin, the slightest things wouldn’t bring me to tears, I could stop resenting my life and start enjoying it!!! T and I are having the happiest most peaceful stage of our marriage in 12 long years. We laugh, we hold hands, we make plans. We have hobbies and we’re fixing up our house.

So this is my life? Glorious.

Title change and got an assistant. I guess that’s a promotion?

The contractor started today, said he’ll hopefully be done by Friday. I really hope this is worth all the money we’re spending…. what if it isn’t???

Did another competition this last weekend and fared a little better than our first attempt in June, top half in ribs and pork but still really struggling with the brisket. The heat this time of year makes things even harder but we are determined to hear our names called! Overall improvement across the board, our scored were higher on everything and this was a tighter field with lower scores for the winners than the first time we competed. So it didn’t just get easier.

I have discovered I have no grace under pressure, my stomach and my patience both fail me. At one point I totally lost my mind and was in the bathroom sobbing. I am used to getting sleep and 3 hours of cat napping and 90 degree heat just ain’t cutting it. Not to mention that my armpits were sunburned from a float trip 2 days before. From the camping, floating and cooking I am so banged and beat up I look like I crawled out of a car wreck. As a finale, I turned my ankle on the steps leading out of our camper and fell flat on my back, all while talking on a cell phone. Life is good.

The good news: We met another team who offered to help us out and suggested we make a run at a competition this weekend out on the end of town. It’s non-sanctioned and subs pork tenderloin for pork butt but it was inexpensive (relatively) and we need the practice. And there’s $4,000 in prize money available.

Attempt # 2
Out of 30 teams, we scored:
chicken: 19
ribs: 15
pork: 13
brisket: 28

I accidentally put my 26-50 in the wrong spot, then deleted it. Argh. So I’ll start over.

26.sunshine when it rains
27. singing along to the car radio
28. a new cell phone
29. kisses on the back of my neck
30. winning
31. saving
32. hysterical laughter
33. great service
34. going to the races
35. Sephora
36. Birthdays
37. Marcon pies
38. Holding babies (and then giving them back)
39. puppies
40. Good performance reviews
41. easy hair
42. frozen custard with hot fudge and raspberries
43. fireworks
44. books on tape
45. new lipstick
46. holding hands
47. being included
48. Sleeping in on Saturday morning
49. Nothing to do on Sunday afternoon
50. naps

I’m getting a whole bunch better with this…

We are no longer competition virgins.

We arrived on Friday and began prepping all our meats – 4 categories (chicken, brisket, ribs and pork butt). 2-3 hours later we finally munched down some leftover sandwiches from Mr. Goodcents and then started the charcoal chimney for the first smoker (pork butt takes the longest to cook: at an hour & half per pound this one needed over 10 hours).

Brisket went on second and by midnight we were well underway and the neighbors were well oiled. I took the first shift on smoker watch. I read through a stack of newspapers and munched on grapes and chips and tried like hell to stay awake. The second smoker was running very hot so there was some switching around at 1 a.m. —our internal temp on the brisket was already 141 degrees, not good. I almost dropped the pork butt trying to switch things around and I burned my hand on the Coleman lantern.

At 3:30 I finally collapsed exhausted: I slept for an hour and a half. At 5 a.m. Tim got up and refilled the water pans and started the ribs. I was up and down several times and got up for good at 8 for biscuits and gravy. After a long night of fighting the cookers and fending off drunks, I actually surprised myself by being in fairly good spirits. We pulled the pork, brisket, started the chicken last… in between I filled boxes with leaf lettuce for presentation.

At 11:30 we started arranging the chicken, giving everything a swipe with bbq sauce. Our first turn in was at 12, followed by ribs, pork butt and finally brisket.

After the turn-ins we spent some time cleaning up the considerable mess and at 3 we went up for the awards. Unfortunately we didn’t hear our name—at all. After taking a look at the scoring sheets, we discovered that we still have some work to do. We had problems with all our turn ins - presentation on chicken and brisket were not great. Our presentation on ribs and pork were much better. We got scores everywhere from 9s (perfect) to 3 (not very damn good). Overall we finished 37 of 43, much worse than we’d hoped. Afterwords, we took copious notes and decided to work on our recipes some more.We also went to Dairy Queen for ice cream and made a beer run, which we ended up being too tired to drink in the end. We went to bed and slept for about 9 hours. On Sunday we woke up to rain, so we packed up the camper and headed home, stoping off at Waffle House for breakfast. Sunday was our day to regroup - then back to the real world on Monday.

Next competition: Johnson County Fair, on my old home turf, Warrensburg, MO.

We DID IT! and we didn’t suck the most!

I thought this would be a long way down the road but I have most of the info I need to get it started. Now I need to get our taxes done and figure out how best to pay for everything. Very exiting!

you know, after thinking about this for a while I’ve decided I really like my hair this way. I just wish I had more of it.

still going… down 12#.

Down 8.6 pounds in 5 weeks. At that pace I’ll see the 140s again in about 8-10 weeks, barring any major hiccups… oh man, I can’t WAIT.

1. A clean house
2. Shopping for candles at 5Bs
3. When he opens the door for me
4. Real letters
5. Real Simple
6. The way my hair looks after a fresh trim
7. Losing weight
8. People noticing I’ve lost weight
9. Dark Chocolate Raspberry Godiva bars
10. The way my mom loves me
11. Hotel rooms with a view
12. Fancy soaps
13. Time to browse the library or bookstore
14. Fresh pizza
15. Making it a Blockbuster night
16. Bowling
17. Camping
18. Good books
19. Making plans for a vacation
20. When my girls say they love me
21. When somebody gets me
22. Warm feet
23. When my cats snuggle up with me
24. Seeing my parents’ dreams come true
25. Finishing a project

If so, my life starts in about 17 months. In the meantime I’ve decided the nicest thing I can do for myself is to get in better shape, lose the weight and start taking better care of myself: more vitamins, more careful dressing, makeup that flatters. I’m also having a vein lasered off my lip that has been bothering me for several years. I wouldn’t go the plastic surgery route but I will be much more careful about sunscreen and that kind of stuff. And I’m going to stop getting so wound up about it. It is what it is and it happens to everyone.

Sometimes I just sit and think about how damn lucky I am. I have food, clothes, a reliable car, a job, hobbies, leisure time, great education, someone who loves me, both my parents are still alive and I get to do pretty much anything I want. I still need to work on relaxing a little and appreciating all that blessing.

I’m lucky. There are wonderful people in my life who help me do this and sometimes they don’t even know what they did. Even on the bad days I still manage to find something funny. And if it’s s dry day I’ll watch something stupid on TV—America’s Funniest Home Videos usually helps.

back to weight watchers as I have done before. 2 weeks today since I restarted and it’s still hard but I’m doing it anyway…

was at the beach in Barceloneta on Sunday. Damn cold but so worth it!

I’m back! Wonderful experience, can’t wait to go again! Now that I’ve started I won’t want to stop.

I’ll always worry a little but I’ve realized that it needs to not control my life and stop me from having fun.

I have a friend that is totally spontaneous and his encouragement has helped—so has being happier in my life and finally doing something constructive for my marriage.

I finally feel like I can handle whatever life dishes out so I’m not goig to worry anymore about what’s around the next corner.