yupee

I somehow used ot be proactive and did not hesitate when I was younger. I don’t know if we get this way with age, probably the answer is yes. I no longer know what is it that I want and hesitate to amek decisions that would create a big impact in my life if I did. When younger I was always moving forward an dI did nto think; it was my gt feelign that kept me moving. It seems I am stuck in a place from where I cannot advance. I need to think a l;ittle and take action , now.

I somehow used ot be proactive and did not hesitate when I was young. I don’t know if we get this way with age, probably the answer is yes. I no longer know what is it that I want and hesitate to make decisions that would create a big impact in my life if I did. When younger I was always moving forward and I did not think before acting; everything flowed marvelously like a machine, it was my gut feeling that kept me moving. It seems I am stuck in a place from where I cannot advance. I need to think a little and take action , now.

I sent an email to the comission of equal employent because I saw and ad that specified that it “could be filled by male or female from 22-55 years old”. That IS age discrimination since nothing in the tasks described hinted to the improbable fact that a person older than 55 could not do them. The company: diamond. com. The tasks were: driving to car dealers, photographing 8-10 cars, input data in a PDA and send, sometimes print a manual. I really dislike injustice and prejudging of any kind.

One of the worst logistic problems I have is justifying the fact that people receiving social security are NOT ALLOWED to have income above a certain level. I ask: Why??? Why are you forcing us into poverty? Maybe it is a plot (my conspiracy plot) to get rid of old people… Why does the governement dare tell ANY individual, “Hey pal, you cannot earn more than this or that because you are old and are receiving SS and by the way, we don’t believe you need any more that that. Unbeliavable!

Go tell that THAT to corporations!! What do you think they would do about that? Time to think, guys. What is the premise behind that thinking?

I don’t have many friends because I seldom go out. I don’ have a regular job and I don’t “look friendly”; that is I am not always smiling, like my friend.

It’s funny how people I know who look friendly to others, once they turn around start talking about that same person that believe they are so “friendly”... Friendly? That is called something else. On the contrary, athought I look stern, I respect people.

I offer friendship that lasts forever unless it is no longer honored by the other party and I am really friendly once I know you. I am passive in that sense, that’s all. I don’t go to people and say, “Hey you, I am XXYY!” I wait for that to happen to me and that might be the problem. Most of the times I fear people are not in the mood to talk, or that I will be rejected. So I wait. If you approach me, I am very friendly. Be in the lookout for people like me. We are worth the time.

The most difficult part of the body to draw is hands. So, I need to practice this a lot. I started doing that by drawing my hands but I cannot place them at length to draw perspective and cannot have different angles. So this goal is ungoing and I recenlty did some good ones by drawing from a painting. The Internet is a great resource.

The one included is not the “good” one, I cannot find it.

I was watching Bill Maher and decided he had beautiful distinctive features to draw. Some people don’t, some people do. So I sketched him twice. I really think it looks like him.

But I liked better the pencil trial I made before. It is modeled after a painting by Shiele. I love the way he draws the human body: lanky legs and bony structures.

This is one ugly sketch from yesterday.

magritte, magritte_deau, painter,

The real reason to become an artist for anyone is believing you already are one. I think we crave to be “recognized” as one and in some deep level that is what we are looking for. I think we are all good artists when we do something we love, do it well, and someone is pleased and happier, healthir, better, because of it.

Let’s say you are a great mechanic and work on your friend’s car for nothing. You do a great job and he is loving it. You are then, an artist!!! Art is providing happiness to someone with the things we do with our hands. I love how it all came out. That is what I am feeling now.

The author of Soul Journeys had the book dictated by hers.

I am so well behaved that sometimes I cannot respond rudely to people that well deserve it. MAybe th eword is not rudely but in teh proper maner to stop them on their tracks. My most painful situation was when I was accused of doing the wrong things at a part time job that I had at Borders. I was the 3rd Hispanic to be accused and the first two had left already. When I was called to the office I could not defend myself. My surprise was such that I could not talk… I was left with a recently appointed “supervisor” at the office who was a girl of 18 that could have been my grandaughter. I felt humilliated and harassed. This was a $7/hr job for a person that has Master degree courses and considers herself very intelligent, creative and honest. It was a setup. I sometimes doubt the intelligence of the human race that make assumptions based on race, culture, sexual preferences or financial status. The manager, that stern, fat man, was a hypocrite. I known that some day along the years. he will have a moment to analize hsi actions and wonder, why di he do that.

My all time dream is to be able to illustrate something that someone else has written, but so far, I don’t think this is realistic becuas eI lack those skills. Bu tI Do admire good illustration and I can be absorbed in a book anywhere just by lookign at good art. I do that specially with children’s books at stores and bookstores.

Life is not like that. there are incompatibilities and people “grow apart” with th eyeras. Then you discover, after 25 years that there is not much in common in terms of goals. One is spiritual and the othe m aterialistic. One like sto read and teh other likes to be around people. Etc… Well, maybe that is the way it is supposed to be, or otherwise we would be both competing for the same things or bored to death.

Doing that since I am moving to another state but there is still too much of the stuff.

I was led to this place by

http://www.etsy.com/view_item.php?listing_id=285262

Great stuff over there and a nice place for emerging artists. Thanks!

My English accent is not that bad, the thing is I have to translate in my mind and sometimes I don’t find the precise word although if I see it I understand it and recognize it.

That happens because I learned English at school, not by using it daily and my teachers had only the technical education on the language; they knew the how and why, but speaking it for them was not a daily thing. I can read a book in English in a day and I don’t have to look up words. I can understand it pefectly and I can even write poetry in English. But that accent!!! And those hesitations! The problem is, some people are impatient and less unerstanding than I wished.

Owned and sold 5 houses and used the money to survive after my lay-offs. I wish I could be able to buy a a house because although I share a home with my partner, it is not the same as having it be legally yours. The fourth house is oened by both of us 50-50 but is never the same as owning 100%. There are always legal barriers and family insterests in the middle,specially when the law does not protect the other partner that is not the owner.

I was a QA engineer for a manufacturer of computers, was laid off, found a job, was laid off, found another job and was laid off. I am looking for a job with computers and science.

And that is why I started to experiment with media… Papers, markers, cheap, rough, soft, etc. I asked questions and I got answers. I drew every day and I looked at good drawings, studying them. I saw a small improvement but I am not yet where I want to be. Some people say that they never got educated in the arts and that is not true. They were, and they put you to shame.