zeknir

so i’m taking a world religions class at school, and this is required reading. i’ve just started the book (though i was supposed to start it a couple classes ago), but i really think i’m going to enjoy it, since the class is so interesting. it’ll be nice to finally learn something about religion… it might allow me to connect with a side of me that i didn’t have before

so i’ve started to take some pride in my assignments in school, even if i think they’re lame assignments to begin with. i’m trying to challenge myself. like in my web II class, i know flash, so theres not much challenge there, but at least i’m trying to challenge my design and concept skills. i don’t have a well defined style yet, when it comes to my personal work, so i’m trying to conciously keep things on the same page when possible. my digital imaging class is bullshit so far, though, and i guess if i would have thought through the assignment a bit better, i could have created a better project… maybe i’ll do another one just for shits and giggles… now if only i had more time to work on things like that.

okay so i really want to say i almost just ‘finished’ this goal. then i realized there is one aspect of myself that, with a bit more time, i think i can master. my jealousy. it is the only thing left about myself that i haven’t been able to accept or change. I HAVE BECOME WHO I’VE WANTED TO BE FOR A LONG TIME, EXECPT FOR THIS ONE TRAIT. it only has to do with TP, though. i only get jealous and worried of and about him. i do get jealous of his hockey life, of the relationships he builds from having a close team, and of all the opportunities he has ahead of his, with traveling for games and everything. but i also get jealous that i can’t be there with him, and i worry that he is going to fall into his old lifestyle of sorts, with partying after games and bringing girls back to the hotel. i honestly don’t even know if i have the right impression of his life before me, but that is how it seems. i know that he loves me, and it is just going to take some time to built that trust where i won’t worry about what he is doing and who is with, but mostly its the thought that he could do anything and not tell me and i wouldn’t ever find out. time is all it is going to take to gain that kind of trust. he has never done anything to break my trust, i just worry that he one day will. that worry will go away. and with that trust, i feel my jealousy will fade away as well, but with a bit of effort it might come sooner than it would naturally. i will stop worrying that some random girl is going to so easily take him from me, so i will stop being jealous of who he talks to, etc. our relationship is still really new, so i’m not surprised or worried about this jealousy; its only natural and logical.