Zooey

over here

spiraled out of control in the most ridiculous, comical yet depressing way.

_{I’m sorry to be vague. I know this isn’t a ‘one sentence’ journal but I just felt like putting it here so I can remember how and why and work to stop it happening again. If I don’t, I feel like I might wake up all lethargic tomorrow and undo all of today’s work.}

Things that have helped today:

• finally forcing myself to do some things I’d been putting off for months and months (and dramatic increase in my activity level overall)
• boxing
• actually going out tonight (at least, until the end)
• my new found hospitality crush

Um, that’s all I can manage to write tonight.

- keep up some form of regular exercise, no matter what
- engage my intellect
- distract myself when I find myself thinking in circles (anything to get myself outside my own head)
- feed my body, not my emotions
- sort out my sleeping pattern
- go outside every day
- change things, do something different every day, never let one day become indistinguishable from the next

It looks as though an alien is about to burst out of my foot. My symptoms seem to align with achilles tendonitis, although I haven’t seen anyone about this yet.

I swam instead – a painfully slow 700m. I couldn’t find any swimwear so underwear had to suffice. (No, I did not use a public pool.) It’s just so important that I keep up with something.

I am so so sore. Yesterday’s run suffered accordingly and I think my form was pretty poor. (I’m not entirely sure what good form looks or feels like but I certainly felt uncoordinated – legs falling away beneath me, arms kind of flailing around…I could barely remember how to run). I’m a bit worried about my knees and ankles, as I’ve started to feel subtle twinges again. (I used to have knee/ankle problems when I ran 9/10 years ago.)

In future I will try not to schedule C25K and boxing on the same day (I am still sore from Wednesday). Anyway, I’m still here.

I couldn’t sleep last night, so managed to go for a run at 5.30 or 6 in the morning. Is it just me or are there many more creepy people out and about at that time of day? It may have been my utter exhaustion manifesting as paranoia, though. The run itself was fine, and the blister thingies worked wonders. (Thanks Wildcranberries!) I could really do with some new music…

Done. I will not bring my negativity here. I am going to order a pizza and watch a movie.

Felt pretty awful today, but I have been treating my body like shit over the past couple of days so I guess it’s to be expected. I’m a little apprehensive about beginning week 2, but I’m going to continue. So Monday, right?

Does anyone have any advice regarding blisters?

I did it! I didn’t do half the things I said I would (eg get up early, find a flat surface), but I finished ok with a few accidental hills thrown in, too. I think the heat is my biggest obstacle at the moment, so my route was kind of dictated by random patches of shade and streets that looked as if they were relatively flat.

Have a fantastic, inspiration-filled day and a lovely time tonight. There are (evidently) so many people here who appreciate you and I am so grateful to be able to read your entries. So often you address issues I have struggled with, in the most eloquent, heartfelt, soulful way and I’m so glad to have discovered you on this site!

sore?

I have to admit I was slightly terrified. I decided to go early afternoon as it was overcast and raining lightly so I figured it wouldn’t be too hot. I was wrong. I made it to the last run but then the urge to vomit became too strong…so I stopped. (Urge to vomit also lasted an hour after stopping.)

• find a flat surface
• make sure I’m actually eating properly that day
• early morning if at all possible (this probably won’t happen)
• find another sports bra so that all my energy isn’t channeled into not bouncing too much
• headphones that don’t look stupid and keep falling off

I must say, I feel surprisingly good now. It’s also amazing how all notions of self-consciousness faded away 10 seconds into the run as I could no longer be bothered to care.

Anyway, I guess I’m one behind you guys now, but I’m so pleased I did this!

I was looking forward to marking this goal as done, then I realised I must have deleted it a long time ago because I decided it was superficial. Oh well.

I’ve finally banished my awkward face! (Not ready to post the evidence just yet, though.)

I’m going to mark this goal as done, although I might bring it back once I’ve sorted my 43T out a bit. I’m going to try and make a point of avoiding 43T unless I actually have something to say in relation to my main goals (instead of simply talking about food and making inane comments).

_{I may change my mind in an hour or so}

soy cappuccino
toasted banana bread with caramelised bananas, maple syrup and mascarpone

soy flat white
vegetarian wrap with pumpkin, haloumi and spinach
small green salad
nutrient water – rehab

tea tea tea
oatbran & honey bread with nuttelex

spelt penne bolognaise w/ mixed leaf salad and the most adorable baby roma tomatoes
few sips shiraz cabernet

mud cake
vitamin water – focus
water

soy latte
veggie nori roll, salad w/ snow peas, broccoli, carrot, beans
soy cappuccino

more mud cake
omelette w/ spinach + mozzarella, steamed vegetables
tiny bit of beef with black bean sauce
yoghurt + honey, soy hot chocolate

of the past week:

Eel.

(findin an entrance where they can)

Also:
beer
the nicest cocktail I have ever tasted

I have become mindlessly action-oriented (normally the last word I would ever use to describe myself). Why can’t I strike a balance?

soy raspberry smoothie
flat white (non-soy)
lots of water
nutrient water – rehab

toblerone
soy choc chip chai latte
banana bread
lentil salad, tabbouleh

coming up: pad thai

Breakfast:
soy cappuccino

Lunch:
soy latte

Afternoon:
protein bar

Dinner:
honey oat bread with nuttelex, beef, mushrooms, eggplant, beans, carrot